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some people are focusing to work hard

some people are focusing to work hard 95XaW
One of the most motivated factors that can drive people to work hardly is to get a promotion in the nowadays workplace. On the whole, it is not a big deal when some people are focusing to work hard in order to getting promotion a workplace. There are a lot of things that have been considering like salary or high position or another advantages that they can achieve by the work. First of all, when some people are make them mind in case of work hard, there is always a reason why they decided to do it. In this modern time, most of companies are looking for person who has ability in problem solving or something that needed by the company. The benefits that have been offered by the company are also not a small benefits. For the example is salary. When a workplace offer higher salary, all the worker are interesting in order to achieve it. This is the most common reason that can be easily to force the workers to work hard. While all that the workers can do in order to get that high salary is working hardly, it will be easy for them to take their goal. On the other hand, while some people are working hard in case of achieving promotion and get the high salary, some of them are also focusing on the social occupation. In this modern world, people are also carrying about their occupation in social life. This is also being consider for some people to get promotion in the place they are working now. That is why some people are decided to work hard to get the promotion and high occupation in social life or in the workplace. Because, there is an assumption that if your position in the place where you are now is higher than anybody else, people will notice and appreciate you very well. To the conclusion, there are a lot of factors that can be something reasonable when people decided to work hardly and diligently in order to get promotion. Either it is because of the highest salary that they can get by the promotion or because of the social environment.
One of the most motivated factors that can drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hardly is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a promotion in the nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
On the whole
, it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are focusing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
Did you mean "get"?
getting
promotion a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things that have been considering like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
position or another advantages that they can achieve by the work.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them mind in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, there is always a reason why they decided to do it. In this modern time, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are looking for person who has ability in problem solving or something that needed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. The benefits that have
been offered
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
are
also
not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
benefits. For the example is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
. When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
offer higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
, all the worker are
Did you mean "interested"?
interesting
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to achieve it. This is the most common reason that can be
easily
to force the workers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. While all that the workers can do in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is working hardly, it will be easy for them to take their goal.

On the other hand
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
in case of achieving promotion and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
also
focusing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
occupation. In this modern world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
carrying about their occupation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life. This is
also
being
Consider using a past participle here: "considered".
consider
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion in the place they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
That is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are decided
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the promotion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
occupation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life or in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workplace
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, there is an assumption that if your position in the place where you are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is higher than anybody else,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will notice and appreciate you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.

To the conclusion, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
factors that can be something reasonable when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decided to
The adverb 'hardly' is usually put before the verb 'work'.
work hardly
and
diligently
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotion. Either it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by the promotion or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
environment.
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IELTS essay some people are focusing to work hard

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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