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Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion. v.2

Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion. v. 2
Crimes are something that cannot be avoided wherever you are. It all comes from many different reasons and it always make people feel insecure about their community and environment. So, to make a better living place for their people, government comes up with a number of different rules that dealing with crime, one of them are death penalty especially for a violent crime. It has a number of different pros and cons, and in this essay I want to address some of them. First, one of the primary reasons why those punishments can be so effective are because it will give a direct and huge impact for the person that commits the crime, and also for the next potential offender. Generally speaking, most people are afraid of death, so this kind of penalty will be a big warning for the next criminal and hopefully will suppress their will. It also gives a bold statement that government are not playing around with this kind of action. The next criminal will have to think twice, thrice, or even more before making their action. However, they are strongly opposed by some group of people because it clearly violates the human rights. Life is not something that can be taken that easily. The other consideration is the fact that people can change or be changed. In the case that the person who commits the crime regretting their action, and feel very sorry for what has happened, that person actually do not deserve that death penalty. To sum up, this sentence is very effective in preventing the next potential crime, but also have a huge trade off in term of upholding the human rights. In the end, it depends on how the government of one country wants to prioritize.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Crimes
are something that cannot
be avoided
wherever you are. It all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons and it always
Did you mean "makes"?
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel insecure about their community and environment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a better living place for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
that dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, one of them are death penalty
especially
for a violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It has a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pros and cons, and in this essay I want to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them.

First
, one of the primary reasons why those punishments can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
effective are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will give a direct and huge impact for the person that commits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, and
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
potential offender.
Generally
speaking, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are afraid of death,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this kind of penalty will be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
warning for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
criminal and
hopefully
will suppress their will. It
also
gives a bold statement that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
are not playing around with this kind of action. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
criminal will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice, thrice, or even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making their action.

However
, they are
strongly
opposed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
clearly
violates the human rights. Life is not something that can
be taken
that
easily
. The other consideration is the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In the case that the person who commits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
regretting their action, and feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sorry for what has happened, that person actually do not deserve that death penalty.

To sum up, this sentence is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective in preventing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
next
potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have a huge trade off in term of upholding the human rights. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it depends on how the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of one country wants to prioritize.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people advocate death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society. Describe advantages and disadvantages of death penalty and give your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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