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Some people accept bad situations,while others claim that it is better to try to improve them.Discuss both these views and give yoir opinion

Some people accept bad situations, while others claim that it is better to try to improve them. Discuss both these views and give yoir opinion PrY72
People have different views about whether bad situations in a life should be accepted or it should be tried to improve them. While some say that people should consent to such situations, in my opinion we always need to make a progress against any kind of barriers. On the one hand, there is the main reason why many think it is necessary to accept bad occasions, including badly-paid job or low-level income. It is possible to that such events result in bad feelings, meaning that they may even led to much worse consequences. Someone, for instance, works in an awful as well as physically demanding condition in a factory. If he does not accept that condition for now, it might affect his feelings while making conversations with friends or relatives. On top of that such negative feelings could influence to plans or intentions of the future. Therefore, most people usually make an effort to accept any kind of event which they face in their life in order to get a positive outcome. Despite the argument above, I believe that it is far better to try to beat the odds in any area in order not to remain in a stable level over a life. There is no-one having no problem at all. As the fact is true, each of us as a human should always try to make a gradual process to change the life for better. It does not matter what kind of problem we need to deal with. It is simply the philosophy of the life that a person needs to cope with a great number of problematic situations such as to be mature enough. In conclusion, whereas some argue that it is needed to accept a bad occasion, I think we should always continue to improve them. (299 words, band9) written by: Latipov Dilmurod
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
situations in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
or it should
be tried
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should consent to such situations, in my opinion we always need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "progress".
a progress
against any kind of barriers.

On the one hand, there is the main reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
occasions, including
badly
-paid job or low-level income. It is possible to that such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
feelings, meaning that they may even
The verb 'may' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
led
to much worse consequences. Someone,
for instance
, works in an awful
as well
as
physically
demanding condition in a factory. If he does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
that condition for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it might affect his feelings while making conversations with friends or relatives.
On top of that
such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings could influence to plans or intentions of the future.
Therefore
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
any kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
which they face in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome.

Despite the argument above, I believe that it is far better to try to beat the odds in any area in order not to remain in a stable level over a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. There is no-one having no problem at all. As the fact is true, each of us as a human should always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a gradual process to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for better. It does not matter what kind of problem we need to deal with. It is
simply
the philosophy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
that a person needs to cope with a great number of problematic situations such as to be mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.

In conclusion
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that it
is needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
occasion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we should always continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them. (299 words, band9)

written by:
Possible spelling mistake found.
Latipov
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dilmurod
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IELTS essay Some people accept bad situations, while others claim that it is better to try to improve them. Discuss both these views and give yoir opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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