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Some parents say that children should play individually

Some parents say that children should play individually n6Rbn
n this modern era relations between families became complex. These days’ individuals spend very less time with their families. Despite the fact that, this proposition has several reasons, this factor will have some negative effects not only personally but also socially. Firstly, people are working round the clock these days to keep up the pace with the accelerating world. Competition between individuals has become the major factor for working day and night. Moreover, people working over-time to earn extra money so that they can live a luxurious life-style. Secondly, people are spending most of the time on social media and internet. As they want to be updated with news they steal the time from home and spend on a machine. Finally, some people cannot share the feeling with family so they share with friends as a result; they spend the time with them. These are the prominent reasons that people pass less time in their home. Although this statement has several causes, this will have some devastating effects on person and on society. First of all working all day long will make people stressful and results in mental health issues. Spending hours of time in social media will make relation with offline people week. Furthermore, it is addictive. This has been seen in many youngsters, that they cannot stop swiping the screen for latest news feed from their friends. If people are spending inadequate time with their family, they feel alienated. Nevertheless, these are some of the negative impacts of this argument. By and large, even though, there are some reasons that people spend less time with families, they should spare an adequate amount of time
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
n
this modern era relations between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
became complex. These days’ individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Despite the fact that, this proposition has several reasons, this factor will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
personally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
socially
.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
round the clock these days to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up the pace with the accelerating world. Competition between individuals has become the major factor for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day and night.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
over-time to earn extra money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a luxurious life-style.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on social media and internet. As they want to
be updated
with news they steal the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
on a machine.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot share the feeling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they share with friends
as a result
; they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them. These are the prominent reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pass less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their home.

Although this statement has several causes, this will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
devastating effects on person and on society.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
all day long will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
stressful and results in mental health issues. Spending hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in social media will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
relation with offline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
week.
Furthermore
, it is addictive. This has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters, that they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
swiping the screen for latest news feed from their friends. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending inadequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, they feel alienated.
Nevertheless
, these are
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of this argument.

By and large,
even though
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, they should spare an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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IELTS essay Some parents say that children should play individually

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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