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Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Will this do good or harm to children?

Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Will this do good or harm to children? 7aPb2
Since people treat education much more important, parents desire to try every possible measure to facilitate children's learning process. Recently, the phenomenon that parents give their children monetary rewards for getting high mark in school has caused wide public concern. Some people indicate that it will distort children's attitude toward study, leading them to regard money as the ultimate aim of study. However, I am concerned that giving money to children as a reward is a good choice, which motivates children to persist in hard working and cultivates children's financial management. To start with, giving money to the children as a reward can stimulate children to study harder. When children get feedback of their hard work, the study will become a happy job instead of just a boring duty. We cannot refute that sometimes study could be really boring, doing a lot of exercises, reading passages, working out math problems. So setting a goal for children is necessary for the children to keep their interests. If they could use the money to buy what they want as a gift, children will pursue the good mark harder. Another reason drives me to indicate is that, financial thinking as an important ability which is useful to the modern people, meaning that we need to teach our children how to manage their own money. During the method that giving money as a reward, children will have a chance to manage their own money. Parents will benefit children not only to their current life but also to their future. For instance, my mother used to give me some money as a reward when I was young. And I used that money to start my own account in the bank. After that, I would periodically save some money, which has already become a large amount of money nowadays. In a conclusion, giving monetary rewards to children can not only encourage them to study hard, but also foster their financial management. Therefore, I reinforce my perspective that it is good for parents to give their children money as a reward for getting high mark in school.
Since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
treat education much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
desire to try every possible measure to facilitate children's learning process. Recently, the phenomenon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
for getting high mark in school has caused wide public concern.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
indicate that it will distort children's attitude toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, leading them to regard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as the ultimate aim of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
However
, I
am concerned
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice, which motivates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to persist in
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
and cultivates children's financial management.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
can stimulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
harder. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
feedback of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
will become a happy job
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a boring duty. We cannot refute that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
could be
really
boring, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
exercises, reading passages, working out math problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
setting a goal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is necessary for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their interests. If they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they want as a gift,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will pursue the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mark harder.

Another reason drives me to indicate is that, financial thinking as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
ability which is useful to the modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, meaning that we need to teach our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. During the method that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have a chance to manage their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
will benefit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to their future.
For instance
, my mother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
when I was young. And I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
account in the bank. After that, I would
periodically
save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which has already become a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
nowadays.

In a conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rewards
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
foster their financial management.
Therefore
, I reinforce my perspective that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reward
for getting high mark in school.
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IELTS essay Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school. Will this do good or harm to children?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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