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some parents give expensive gifts to their children. What is your opinion?

some parents give expensive gifts to their children. What is your opinion? LBBXV
Nowadays, some parents do not feel hesitate to buy pricey gifts for their children. I opine that it is detrimental for parents as well as children. To commence with, when parents give expensive gifts such ad garments, toys and gadgets to their children, it leads to myriad negative effects. Parents are sending wrong messages through pricey gifts. Children who grow up receiving such gifts will neither value the parents nor the hardwork that their parents did to buy those ietms. Moreover, they become addicited to having such valuable parents in the future. furthermore, the financial situation of people can vary anytime. For instance, if parents are unable to buy expensive gifts then their children feel betrayed. This could also hurt their relationship. What's more, children will unable to appreciate anything cheap. They can only think in terms of monetary values of something. Besides, some children who receive expensive items as gifts may have the bad habits showing them infront of their friends. This will make their other friends feel inferior. Furthermore, there is no harm in buying pricey items but this is wrong way to show parents love toward children. Parents show their children that money is not considerable factor if thay want to buy special for their children. So children do not know the value of money. To conclude, buying expensive gifts for children is detrimental and it prevents children from realizing the value of money and hard work.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not feel hesitate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
pricey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I opine that it is detrimental for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as children.

To commence with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
such ad garments, toys and gadgets to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it leads to myriad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
are sending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
messages through pricey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who grow up receiving such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
will neither
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
nor the
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
those
Possible spelling mistake found.
ietms
.
Moreover
, they become
Possible spelling mistake found.
addicited
to having such valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in the future.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
, the financial situation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can vary anytime.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are unable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
then their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
feel betrayed. This could
also
hurt their relationship.

What's more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will unable to appreciate anything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in terms of monetary values of something.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
items as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
may have the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits showing them
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of their friends. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their other friends feel inferior.

Furthermore
, there is no harm in buying pricey items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is
Please check whether an article is missing: "a wrong".
wrong
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that money is not considerable factor if
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
special for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of money.

To conclude
, buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gifts
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is detrimental and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from realizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
of money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
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IELTS essay some parents give expensive gifts to their children. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
240 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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