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Some parents encourage their high school students to get an after-school or weekend job. Other parents cite the importance of getting good grades, discouraging their high school students from getting after- school or weekend jobs. What is your opinion or viewpoint on this subject? Use specific supporting details from your own observations, experience, or reading as you write your response

Some parents encourage their high school students to get an after-school or weekend job. Other parents cite the importance of getting good grades, discouraging their high school students from getting after- school or weekend jobs. What is your opinion or viewpoint on this subject? Use specific supporting details from your own observations, experience, or reading as you write your response Nrwam
There are differing viewpoints as to whether or not high school students should get an after-school or weekend job. Some parents want their high school-aged students to work part-time, while other parents prefer their students to only focus on getting good grades. In my opinion, working while attending high school can be beneficial because it provides the student with the essential skills that are needed for today’s job market. One of the essential skills is time management. Learning ways to balance activities and prioritize time is essential as an adult. Using time effectively requires life experiences. For instance, I learned to manage my time wisely when I worked a part-time job in high school time. The work experience I gained at that time was particularly helpful in my future life. If I did not work while attending high school, I wouldn’t have learned the time management skills used today: to balance graduate school, work, and social activities. Another benefit after school job is that high school students strengthen their interpersonal skills within the workplace. Although students have the opportunity to socialize in school with their peers, interactions in the workplace are entirely different. Working a part-time job can increase students’ opportunities to meet different people. As a result, students develop better interpersonal relationships and increase their success in school. Last but not least, these jobs will help students to develop a strong work ethic, and this attitude could apply to complete their academic works. Understanding the importance of hard work and being a responsible person are critical skills for an adult. Work ethic is an abstract concept, and it is an excellent asset for a competent person. Additionally, if students develop a positive work ethic, they will become more confident. Academic success largely depends on this type of confidence. The world has become more competitive. Having students gain work experiences at an early age will strengthen their abilities to compete in the job market after graduation. For example, students can learn to utilize their time better, improve their social skills, and become a valuable member of society.
There are differing viewpoints
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
as to whether or not
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high
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school
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students
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an after-school or weekend
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job
.
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Some
parents want their
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high
school-aged
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students
to
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work
part-time, while other parents prefer their
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students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades. In my opinion, working while attending
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can be beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides the
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student
with the essential
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skills
that
are needed
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
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job
market.

One of the essential
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skills
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management. Learning ways to balance activities and prioritize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is essential as an adult. Using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
effectively
requires life experiences.
For instance
, I learned to manage my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
wisely
when I worked a part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. The
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work
experience I gained at that
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time
was
particularly
helpful in my future life. If I did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I wouldn’t have learned the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
: to balance graduate
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school
,
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work
, and social activities.

Another benefit after
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school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is that
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high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
strengthen their interpersonal
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skills
within the workplace. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have the opportunity to socialize in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with their peers, interactions in the workplace are
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. Working a part-time
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job
can increase
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students’
opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop better interpersonal relationships and increase their success in school.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop a strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ethic, and this attitude could apply to complete their academic works. Understanding the importance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and being a responsible person are critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for an adult.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Work
ethic is an abstract concept, and it is an excellent asset for a competent person.
Additionally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
ethic, they will become more confident. Academic success
largely
depends on this type of confidence.

The world has become more competitive. Having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experiences at an early age will strengthen their abilities to compete in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market after graduation.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn to utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
better,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and become a valuable member of society.
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IELTS essay Some parents encourage their high school students to get an after-school or weekend job. Other parents cite the importance of getting good grades, discouraging their high school students from getting after- school or weekend jobs. What is your opinion or viewpoint on this subject? Use specific supporting details from your own observations, experience, or reading as you write your response

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Some parents encourage their high school students to get an after-school or weekend job. Other parents cite the importance of getting good grades, discouraging their high school students from getting after- school or weekend jobs. What is your opinion or viewpoint on this subject? Use specific supporting details from your own observations, experience, or reading as you write your response