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Natural talents are more important than working hard to achieve success. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Natural talents are more important than working hard to achieve success. v. 4
In modern society, Natural talents are thought more important than working hard. Actually, there are lots of gifted people in different fields. I believe that talent and working hard are equal to achieve. The essay is aimed here to argue intelligence and diligence are both important. On the one hand, Some fields need people have gifts or they cannot achieve success. For instance, as a scientist, gifts are very useful in scientific research and it's easy to find a lot of famous scientists with talents such as Einstein, Newton and so on. Meanwhile, not only in the field of science, but also in art, Many artists show their talents. Mozart can compose a song when he was 4 years old. DaVinci creates many well-known paintings and draw a lot of invention on his hand draft. On the other hand, Working hard is the basis of achieving success. Although people who are brilliant like Da Vinci, they also do a large number of practice. Before Da Vinci become a painter, he practiced drawing an egg every day. It sounds very boring to repeat to do something again and again, nevertheless, this is what these brilliant people also do. Nobody can be skilled before a lot of practice, however talented they are. Talents may decide how successful we can achieve, whereas how hard-working can decide what achievements people can get basically. To conclude, people see the talents of many smart people but not notice how these geniuses hard-working. Thus, it seems that natural gifts and work hard are both important to achieve success. With our technology development, diligent people will be more valued in the future.
In modern society, Natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
. Actually, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of gifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
and working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
are equal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
. The essay
is aimed
here to argue intelligence and diligence are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
fields need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gifts or
they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
success.
For instance
, as a scientist, gifts are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in scientific research and it's easy to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
scientists with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
such as Einstein, Newton and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Meanwhile, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the field of science,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in art,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
. Mozart can compose a song when he was 4 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
DaVinci
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known paintings and draw a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of invention on his hand draft.

On the other hand
, Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
is the basis of achieving success. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are brilliant like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Vinci, they
also
do
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
practice.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
Possible spelling mistake found.
Da
Vinci become a painter, he practiced drawing an egg every day. It sounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
boring to repeat to do something again and again,
nevertheless
, this is what these brilliant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
do. Nobody can
be skilled
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of practice,
however
talented they are.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Talents
may decide how successful we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
, whereas how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working can decide what achievements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
basically
.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not notice how these geniuses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working.
Thus
, it seems that natural gifts and work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
success. With our technology development, diligent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be more valued in the future.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Natural talents are more important than working hard to achieve success. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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