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Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? 0AWdl
It is generally considered that childrens are fond of toys. Due to advancement in technology factories produce a lot of new modern toys which are helpful for child's mind and growth but it could be impact on socialization of them. This essay shall analyse the advantages and disadvantages of having abundance of toys. To begin with positive view, if young ones have more toys. Then, they learn about educational concepts clearly. To explicate it, nowadays games are available to solve mathematical problems, some games solve puzzles so on. These kinds of play makes more interest of offsprings into studies. However, it enhance the ability of them to solve such kind of educational problems. For instance, a survey was conducted in Japan and it found that those students who are play with new and different toys, they have more knowledge to tackle education problems than who do not play with toys. Hence, toys develop their interest in educational field. On the contrary side, having too much toys have negative effect on pupils socialization with others. In other words, they always play inside with toys and do not went outside to play to meet with others. So, it may be makes them aggressive and less confident. Because, if they meet with new people that beneficial for them to make new friends and build up confidence. For example, in 1990, a educational report suggested that if students play with toys all the day then, they did not develop self reliability themselves. So, that is important for students to rose up their socialization. In conclusion, every aspect has two sides like number of toys utilize child's time and gain their interest in education, but it would be effect on their communication skills.
It is
generally
considered that
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
are fond of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. Due to advancement in technology factories produce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
which are helpful for child's mind and growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it could be impact on socialization of them. This essay shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
the advantages and disadvantages of having abundance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
view, if young ones have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. Then, they learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
concepts
clearly
. To explicate it, nowadays games are available to solve mathematical problems,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
games solve puzzles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You should probably use "make".
makes
more interest of
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
into studies.
However
, it
Did you mean "enhances"?
enhance
the ability of them to solve such kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
problems.
For instance
, a survey
was conducted
in Japan and it found that those students who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, they have more knowledge to tackle education problems than
Did you mean "whom"?
who
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
develop their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
field.
On the contrary
side, having too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "pupils'" or "pupil's"?
pupils
socialization with others.
In other words
, they always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
inside with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
and do not
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "go"?
went
outside to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with others.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them aggressive and less confident.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that beneficial for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
friends and build up confidence.
For example
, in 1990,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
report suggested that if students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
all the day then, they did not develop self reliability themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for students to rose up their socialization.
In conclusion
, every aspect has two sides like number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
utilize child's time and gain their interest in education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it would be effect on their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
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IELTS essay Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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