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For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art? 2bQMA
Art has always been an integral part in developing culture throughout the world. Nowadays people are more inclined towards subjects like science, technology and business rather than arts. In the following paragarphs I will discuss the reasons and solutions for above mention problem. To commence with, science, technology and business are the subjects which provide an ample of job opportunities. For instance, a person who attained bachelor's degree in the information technology (IT) can easily place himself in job market. Besides, professionals in these field are well paid. Furthermore, the financial stability is comparitively more in these areas compared to art. A renowned newspaper articled that, one in ten artists are leaving their artistic profession as through that they were not able to earn bread for their family. On the other hand, it is imperative to preserve our art and find solutions to the aforementioned issue. First of all, artists must be provided financial aid so that they can practice their art form without worring about the financial flow in the family. In addition, government ought to promote numerous art exhibition and encourage students from schools and colleges to participate in them. Moreover, parents should take their children in such events so that kidd have interest in innumerable art forms. A survey conducted by university of Bristol on art students suggests that, 80 % of them got interest to take art as subject merely due to their participation in exhibition in their childhood. To sum up, people in new era are more interested in academic subjects solely because these subjects will enable them to obtain a job which will ensure them better financial support. However, through generating awareness among parents and kids by educational institutions along with collaboration of government can draw student's interest towards art.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
has always been an integral part in developing culture throughout the world. Nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more inclined towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science, technology and business
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. In the following
Possible spelling mistake found.
paragarphs
I will discuss the reasons and solutions for above mention problem.

To commence with, science, technology and business are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
which provide
The phrase 'an ample of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'an' and 'of'.
an ample of
job opportunities.
For instance
, a person who attained bachelor's degree in the information technology (IT) can
easily
place himself in job market.
Besides
, professionals in
Did you mean "this field" or "these fields"?
these field
are well paid.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
stability is
Possible spelling mistake found.
comparitively
more in these areas compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
. A renowned newspaper articled that, one in ten artists are leaving their artistic profession as through that they were not able to earn bread for their family.

On the other hand
, it is imperative to preserve our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
and find solutions to the aforementioned issue.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, artists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can practice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
form without
Possible spelling mistake found.
worring
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
flow in the family.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
ought to promote numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
exhibition and encourage students from schools and colleges to participate in them.
Moreover
, parents should take their children in such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
kidd
have interest in innumerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
forms. A survey conducted by university of Bristol on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
students suggests that, 80 % of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
interest to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
merely
due to their participation in exhibition in their childhood.

To sum up,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in new era are more interested in academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
solely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will enable them to obtain a job which will ensure them better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support.
However
, through generating awareness among parents and kids by educational institutions along with collaboration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can draw student's interest towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
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IELTS essay For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • For a long time art has been considered an essential part of all cultures in the world. However, nowadays people’s values have changed, and we tend to consider science, technology and business more important than arts. What do you think are the causes of this? What can be done to draw people’s attention to art?