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Some parents buy a large number of toys for their children what are pros and cons?

Some parents buy a large number of toys for their children what are pros and cons? 6l2Mr
The benefits of buying lots of playthings for kids by their parents, is most apparent, but it can have some drawbacks. There are two advantages and two disadvantages for that. First of all, nowadays, parents spend money on toys for their children to give them opportunity to play with it. It provides facility for children to show their talents easily and also there are not any barriers to ignore their abilities. I was reading a magazine which mentioned, in developed countries parents who bought some playthings for their guys, their children had better performance and be more creative in contrast to children did not have toys. Furthermore kids can fill out their free times with playing toys and they annoy their familes less, according to my own experience I have with my son. On the contrary, although spending time with playing toys by children can be informative, but it has some cons. First of all, as children spend their times a lot during a day and most of toys are made by chemical substance, so it can be harmful for kids skin. I was reading an article, as a result, in some countries like the US, the UK and Canada many of children who used toys for a long time they had some problematic in their hands. Additionally as guys try to fill out their times with some toys therefore, they would be inverted, because they can not communicate with other people very well and show their emotions specially to their parents hence, this factor would have a bad influence on their lives. To conclude, while purchase some toys can be effective in making open mind, but parents should keep balance buying or not buying some playthings which parents would not be regreted in the future.
The benefits of buying lots of playthings for kids by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, is most apparent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. There are two advantages and two disadvantages for that.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to give them opportunity to play with it. It provides facility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their talents
easily
and
also
there are not any barriers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their abilities. I was reading a magazine which mentioned, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
playthings for their guys, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had better performance and be more creative
in contrast
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
did not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
kids can fill out their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with playing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toys and
they annoy their
Possible spelling mistake found.
familes
less, according to my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience I have with my son.

On the contrary
, although spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be informative,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
a lot during a day and most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
are made
by chemical substance,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be harmful for kids skin. I was reading an article,
as a result
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries like the US, the UK and Canada
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problematic in their hands.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
as guys try to fill out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
therefore
, they would
be inverted
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can not communicate with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their emotions
specially
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
hence
, this factor would have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
can be effective in making open mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance buying or not buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
playthings which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "regretted", the past tense form of the verb 'regret'?
regreted
in the future.
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IELTS essay Some parents buy a large number of toys for their children what are pros and cons?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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