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Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities in their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities in their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. v. 1
Activities play an essential role in child's life. It helps them to feel relaxed after studying. The specified topic is very pertinent as the same is being discussed in multiple global forums. Some parents think that their young ones should do educational activities rather than extracurricular activities while others believe that it will put children under pressure. This essay will discuss both the views along with the opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. To begin with, several guardians think that their offspring should do educational activities in their free past because with this they can obtain good grades in their exams. Moreover, this will increase their general knowledge as well, they will pass their competitive exams and get good jobs in their future. They will not face any problem in their future and be a successful person. Moving further, parents believe that if their youngsters​ spend a lot of generations on these activities they will stay far away from bad company. On the other side, many people think that more and more study puts children under pressure. So they should perform indoor or outdoor activities in their free life instead of educational activities. This will help to reduce their study load and feel relax. Furthermore, if children play different activities in the playground, it improves their body strength also and help them to stay physically​ fit. To conclude it, as per my opinion leisure activities are very important for children for their physical as well as mental stability. So children should spend their free day in other activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Activities
play an essential role in child's life. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to feel relaxed after studying. The specified topic is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
pertinent as the same is
being discussed
in multiple global forums.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their young ones should do educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
while others believe that it will put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under pressure. This essay will discuss both the views along with the opinion in the upcoming paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, several guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their offspring should do educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with this they can obtain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grades in their exams.
Moreover
, this will increase their general knowledge
as well
, they will pass their competitive exams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs in their future. They will not face any problem in their future and be a successful person. Moving
further
, parents believe that if their youngsters​ spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
generations on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
they will stay far away from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

On the other side,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that more and more study puts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under pressure.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they should perform indoor or outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free life
instead
of educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their study load and feel relax.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the playground, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their body strength
also
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay
physically
​ fit.

To conclude
it, as per my opinion leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for their physical
as well
as mental stability.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their free day in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some parents believe that their children should do educational activities in their free time. Others say that in this way children are under pressure. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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