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Some parent forbid their young children from owning smart phones while some other allow them s it is necessary for keeping in touch

Some parent forbid their young children from owning smart phones while some other allow them s it is necessary for keeping in touch waBBm
I totally support parent’s decision to forbid their young children from owning smart phones. Using smart phones at early age can hinder child's development. Owning a smart phone at school or outside school can produce distractions. Playing games on phone, surfing social networking website are always lucrative for students instead of lectures. They always try to find shortcuts of doing homework by just googling them instead of brain storming their minds. With the increase of social networking websites, children always try to flaunt. They always want to be a sensational story in their social networking group. They are always busy in clicking photographs, putting insta stories, making reels instead of relishing things. They live in fake world which is very insidious for them. Children can easily become prey of sinister of social media. if young child has phone most of them were glue to their phones. They don't prefer to interact in the real outside world, MAKING REAL FRIENDS. They are always busy in playing mobile games instead of outdoor games. This can cause serious physical and mental issues among children. Simple mobile phone can be given to children for keeping in touch if they are going alone else smart phones should not be given to them until certain age.
I
totally
support parent’s decision to forbid their young
children
from owning
smart
phones
. Using
smart
phones
at early age can hinder child's development. Owning a
smart
phone
at school or outside school can produce distractions. Playing games on
phone
, surfing
social
networking website are always lucrative for students
instead
of lectures. They always try to find shortcuts of doing homework by
just
googling them
instead
of brain storming their minds. With the increase of
social
networking websites,
children
always try to flaunt. They always want to be a sensational story in their
social
networking group. They are always busy in clicking photographs, putting
insta
stories, making reels
instead
of relishing things.
They
live
in fake world which is
very
insidious for them.
Children
can
easily
become prey of sinister of
social
media.
if
young child has
phone
most of them were glue to their
phones
. They don't prefer to interact in the real outside world, MAKING REAL FRIENDS. They are always busy in playing mobile games
instead
of outdoor games. This can cause serious physical and mental issues among
children
. Simple mobile
phone
can be
given
to
children
for keeping in touch if they are going alone else
smart
phones
should not be
given
to them until certain age.
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IELTS essay Some parent forbid their young children from owning smart phones while some other allow them s it is necessary for keeping in touch

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
210 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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