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some organisations believe thatntheir employees should dress smartly. others value quality of work above appearance. discuss both views and give your opinion.

some organisations believe thatntheir employees should dress smartly. others value quality of work above appearance. YLL5B
Many people argue that fashion is important in workplace that workers should consider, while others think that work is more essential thing. There are arguments on both sides which will discuss about. On the one hand, there are several reasons workers have to pay more attention on their appearance. First, it is often that the first impression come from each other is the way they look. If someone looks fresh, it would spread freshments vibes. Others might feel more focus on their jobs because there is no distraction views. For example, if all their colleagues dress well so they merely focus on their job without thinking about their friend who wear clothes that does not match. Second, it could be companies identity because if all of employees dress smartly it would looks deligent and people would recognise it well. Moreover, customers might satisfied because they feel comfortable to see the workers’ neat. On the other hand, some people think that work is more important than how they look. Employees do not need waste too much time for dressing or they will do not need to think too much about what clothes they wear. Therefore, they could use more time for jobs. In addition, some people believe that customers statisfied depend on their work services than their appearance. In conclusion, although work services are the more important, there is other aspect that would be considering such as appearance or how workers dresses. I believe that both of them are important that it would be better if they pay attantion in two of that aspect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that fashion is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
in workplace that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should consider, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more essential thing. There are arguments on both sides which will
Did you mean simply "discuss ."? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about.


On the one hand, there are several reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more attention on their appearance.
First
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
that the
first
impression
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is the way they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
. If someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looks
fresh, it would spread
Possible spelling mistake found.
freshments
vibes. Others might feel more focus on their jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no distraction views.
For example
, if all their colleagues dress well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
merely
focus on their job without thinking about their friend who wear clothes that does not match. Second, it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
identity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if
Consider using "all employees" or "all of the employees".
all of employees
dress
smartly
it would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "look"
looks
Possible spelling mistake found.
deligent
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
it well.
Moreover
, customers might satisfied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel comfortable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers’
neat.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
than how they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
. Employees do not need waste too much time for
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dressing or
they will do not need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
too much about what clothes they wear.
Therefore
, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more time for jobs.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that customers
Possible spelling mistake found.
statisfied
depend on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
services than their appearance.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
services are the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
, there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspect that would be considering such as appearance or how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
dresses. I believe that both of them are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
that it would be better if they pay
Possible spelling mistake found.
attantion
in two of that aspect.
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IELTS essay some organisations believe thatntheir employees should dress smartly. others value quality of work above appearance.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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