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Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. pR6P2
It is often argued, by a number of organisations that their employees should be well dressed on the contrary to this other believe in giving more importance to their work. This essay will intent to analyse both the views along with my perspective. To commence with, there are several companies who show a lot of interest on the clothing style of there workers while compared to the contribution they do for the organisation. To explicate it, this kind of firms don't concern more about the qualifications and knowledge the people have in there institutes but give special attention to their dressing sense. For instance, as per the headline of 'The Moscow Times' revealed that there are few companies who care more about the clothes that there workers wear rather than their job. Therefore it can be said that a number of companies are more into making there employees look good when they are on work. Furthermore, on the other side of this there are those companies who have more interest in paying attention towards the quality of work done by there employees. In other words, this type of firms are immensely focused on the kind of work there workers produce as they give more importance to there hard work and passion. For example, in the case of this companies they strongly believe in making there company have more profit in the market. Thus, they don't care more about the clothes that there employees like to wear due to the fact company growth is more essential. To conclude, in my opinion, I would like to say companies should care more about the work which is done by the employees for the betterment of there company whereas regarded to the dressing style.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued, by a number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well dressed
on the contrary
to this other believe in giving more importance to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This essay will
Did you mean the verb "intend" instead of the noun 'intent'?
intent
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
both the views along with my perspective.

To commence with, there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
interest on the clothing style of
Did you mean "their"?
there
workers while compared to the contribution they do for the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. To explicate it, this kind of firms don't concern more about the qualifications and knowledge the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have in
Did you mean "their"?
there
institutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
give special attention to their dressing sense.
For instance
, as per the headline of 'The Moscow Times' revealed that there are few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who care more about the clothes that there workers wear
rather
than their job.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
it can
be said
that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are more into making there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
when they are on work.

Furthermore
, on the other side of this there are those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who have more interest in paying attention towards the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
done by
Did you mean "their"?
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
In other words
, this type of firms are
immensely
focused on the kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
there workers produce as they give more importance to there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and passion.
For example
, in the case of
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
they
strongly
believe in making there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
have more profit in the market.
Thus
, they don't care more about the clothes that there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
like to wear due to the fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
growth is more essential.

To conclude
, in my opinion, I would like to say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should care more about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
is done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for the betterment of there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
whereas regarded to the dressing style.
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IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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