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Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.17

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 17
Workers should elegant about their attire up in the opinion of some institutions, but others only focus on employment quality whether it is a highly debatable one. There are different companies on both sides of the debate who have their opinion based on their surroundings. There are some reasons that can lead one to go in favour of the worker's smart arrival. Firstly, several organizations that job with government projects concentrate on staff member presence because they have to join different meetings, presentations with clients, for example, marketing, human resources, or trade. Most of the government organizations, strict to formal uniforms. The reason smart outlook can impress people as well as move the corporation to further growth. So, they try to maintain that for their purposes. Another reason is some companies think that the people who have nicely dressed, help to grow their confidence and they can perform better. Therefore, they should be dressed up nicely. On the other hand, there are some companies who are trusted that not presentation, the best service is more important. First of all, most of the private institutions that production based on technology, highly pay attention to their worker performances. They rely on that hard effort and good achievement help grow a team. This creates a sense of comfort, which helps companies develop better and stronger relationships with their clients. Furthermore, some organization employees are not so rich. They can’t afford the fashionable or a costly formal dress. They wear anything and go to industry and the association trusts heir progress. Like garment factories, etc. In conclusion, I would like to state that I totally rely on performance neither than what they wear. I engaged in a software company, they also focus on the quality of performance. If they focus on clothes then it would difficult for the member. Moreover, high-quality products should be priorities first.
Workers
The word 'elegant' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should elegant
about their attire up in the opinion of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
institutions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on employment quality whether it is a
highly
debatable one. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
on both sides of the debate who have their opinion based on their surroundings.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons that can lead one to go in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the worker's smart arrival.
Firstly
, several organizations that job with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
projects concentrate on staff member presence
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meetings, presentations with clients,
for example
, marketing, human resources, or trade. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
organizations, strict to formal uniforms. The reason smart outlook can impress
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
the corporation to
further
growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they try to maintain that for their purposes. Another reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
nicely
dressed,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to grow their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confidence and
they can perform better.
Therefore
, they should
be dressed
up
nicely
.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
who
are trusted
that not presentation, the best service is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most of the private institutions that production based on technology,
highly
pay attention to their worker performances. They rely on that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
effort and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
grow a team. This creates a sense of comfort, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
develop better and stronger relationships with their clients.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organization employees are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rich. They can’t afford the fashionable or a costly formal dress. They wear anything and go to industry and the association trusts heir progress. Like garment factories, etc.

In conclusion
, I would like to state that I
totally
rely on performance neither than what they wear. I engaged in a software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, they
also
focus on the quality of performance. If they focus on clothes then it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would difficult
for the member.
Moreover
, high-quality products should be priorities
first
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. v. 17

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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