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Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v.7

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 7
Throughout last decades, the TV has been extended a channel list through the cable television, thereby with years have been added more channels for children, which provided a show throughout all day. That has attracted a majority of children, and as a result, has led to watch more hours such channels. Nevertheless, this activity has not only a positive influence on a part of education and safe pastime, but also drawbacks on part of the health troubles and content. Firstly, the TV for children attracts a majority of parents because provide many shows for the education, and allow attracting children to stay at a home that leads to the safe pastime. For example, the popular cartoon "Dora the Explorer" is teaching of many skills such as the rules of conduct and math. Likewise, a criminal level in many megalopolises is high, thereby as more children stay at home as safer are their life. Thus, watching the TV in a particular situation is useful and provide a benefit for children and parents. Nonetheless, viewing the TV has many drawbacks in a part of the health problems and content. For instance, this activity assumes the sedentary style of life that leads occasionally for different diseases. Moreover, content of many cartoons not always for a child that leads to controversial results such as learning rude words or bad behaviour. Likewise, presently, all channels have much the advertisement that occasionally has a content for adult. Consequently, watching the TV should strictly control and channels should adjust a show separating it on groups for a different age. To conclude, today, television for children has many of disadvantage that accompanies a profit. Therefore, if increase the control under content and the hours that spend watching the TV channels, probably then advantages will outweigh disadvantages.
Throughout last decades, the TV has
been extended
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channel
list through the cable television, thereby with years have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which provided a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
throughout all day. That has attracted a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
as a result
, has led to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
more hours such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
.
Nevertheless
, this activity has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence on a part of education and safe pastime,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
drawbacks on part of the health troubles and content.

Firstly
, the TV for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
attracts a majority of parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
for the education, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
attracting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay at a home that leads to the safe pastime.
For example
, the popular cartoon
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Dora the Explorer
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is teaching of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
of conduct and math.
Likewise
, a criminal level in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
megalopolises is high, thereby as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay at home as safer are their life.
Thus
, watching the TV in a particular situation is useful and provide a benefit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents.

Nonetheless, viewing the TV has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks in a part of the health problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
.
For instance
, this activity assumes the sedentary style of life that leads
occasionally
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
diseases.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cartoons not always for a child that leads to controversial results such as learning rude words or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Likewise
,
presently
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
have much the advertisement that
occasionally
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
for adult.
Consequently
, watching the TV should
strictly
control and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
should adjust a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
separating it on groups for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, television for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of disadvantage that accompanies a profit.
Therefore
, if increase the control under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
content
and the hours that spend watching the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
channels
,
probably
then advantages will outweigh disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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