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some opine that increased cultural exchange and business communication is benefiting nations where others opine that it will degrade the cultural identity . discuss both views and give your opinion

some opine that increased cultural exchange and business communication is benefiting nations where others opine that it will degrade the cultural identity. discuss both views and give your opinion m50Od
The development of communication amenities like high-speed internet, made possible to access the world in a mouse click. Some opine that the upward trend of business deals and cultural exchange programs would benefit the individual nations. Where as the former group advocate that this may degrade the national identity of the countries. Both the statements possess their own merits and a detailed discussion is necessary before framing a logical conclusion. On the one hand, the group which favours the trend gives their reasons as, the rise in the commercial communications and the cultural exchange among countries leads to globalization. To be clearer, the increased intra country business deals would help the investors to know the individual markets better, which eventually help them to better plan their business strategies. For example, Chinese electronics giants are producing more budget friendly smart phones which is best suit for a developing nation like India. Furthermore, increased business relationship with other nations would create the opportunity to market the indigenously produced products in a global market, it further develops the economical status of the nation. In addition, the exchange of cultures helps the individuals to get familiar with different cultures in world, this would reduce the chances for cultural shock when someone visits another country. For instance, many students pursue their higher education in foreign nations, a prior exposure to the specific cultures would help them to easily acclimatize with the new culture. On the other hand, the former group which oppose the trend, state following reasons to substantiate their argument, Firstly, the increased cultural exchange and business communications might degrade the cultural identity of individual nations. For example, nowadays a greater number of people are switching to western clothing and food habits. Finally, globalization and import of foreign goods would disrupt the market of locally produced goods. A study shows that the average price of indigenously produced rubber got reduced my half due to the import of low-cost Malaysian rubber. To conclude, although there are some drawbacks for the trend, because of the aforementioned reasons I opine that this is a positive development
The development of communication amenities like high-speed internet, made possible to access the world in a mouse click.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that the upward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
deals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
programs would benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
the former group advocate that this may degrade the national identity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Both the statements possess their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and a detailed discussion is necessary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
framing a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, the group which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
gives their reasons as, the rise in the commercial communications and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
leads to globalization. To be clearer, the increased
Possible spelling mistake found.
intra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
deals would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the investors to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
markets better, which
eventually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to better plan their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
strategies.
For example
, Chinese electronics giants are producing more budget friendly smart phones which is best suit for a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
like India.
Furthermore
, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
would create the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
indigenously
produced products in a global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
, it
further
develops the
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
status of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
In addition
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
of cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures in world, this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the chances for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
shock when someone visits another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students pursue their higher education in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, a prior exposure to the specific cultures would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to
easily
acclimatize with the new culture.

On the other hand
, the former group which oppose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
, state following reasons to substantiate their argument,
Firstly
, the increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exchange
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
communications might degrade the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, nowadays a greater number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are switching to western clothing and food habits.
Finally
, globalization and import of foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
would disrupt the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
of
locally
produced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. A study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the average price of
Possible spelling mistake found.
indigenously
produced rubber
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
my half due to the import of low-cost Malaysian rubber.

To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trend
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the aforementioned reasons I opine that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
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IELTS essay some opine that increased cultural exchange and business communication is benefiting nations where others opine that it will degrade the cultural identity. discuss both views and give your opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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