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Some offer their employees subsidised membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff Healthcare and thus more effective at work. Other employers see as no benefits in so doing. Discuss and give your opinion?

Some offer their employees subsidised membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff Healthcare and thus more effective at work. Other employers see as no benefits in so doing. Discuss and give your opinion? 85Q8l
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether employers provide a certain subsidy to their workers to join the fitness centres or the opposite approach is suitable for the companies. In giving offers to the Employees more white this essay, I will explain why giving offers to the employers is more vital, compared with an active approach of the employers regarding the physical health. On the one hand, nowadays, due to the heavy workloads and overtime shifts, people are leading a stressful life without considering their Physical health. Therefore, very important to give them an opportunity to be fit and confident about their health which will definitely help the entire workers to give maximum input into the work for a better result. Moreover, it helps to reduce the number of leaves taken by the employees as a result of the unhealthy lifestyle and mismanagement. Providing subsidies to join in sports clubs would motivate them to become active in physical activities and consequently, it eradicates the sedentary lifestyle as well as the frequent diseases. As a result, the company can overcome their extra burden through subsidies by utilising the total concentration of employees in work. On the other hand, the subsidies and allowances given to participate in physical activities directly affect the revenue of the company. Furthermore, the employers need to invest more time to plan the implementation of subsidized fitness clubs and for the verification of the proper participation of the employees in it. In conclusion, although subsidies upon the employee's physical fitness activities incorporate several issues to the employers, strongly agree that every employer should generate enough facilities to maintain the health of the employees in the modern world, because it is claimed as the grave concern of the workers.
There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
provide a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidy
to their workers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or the opposite approach is suitable for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. In giving offers to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employees
more white this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why giving offers to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
is more vital, compared with an active approach of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.

On the one hand, nowadays, due to the heavy workloads and overtime shifts,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are leading a stressful life without considering their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
health.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to give them an opportunity to
be fit
and confident about their health which will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the entire workers to give maximum input into the work for a better result.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
taken by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as a result
of the unhealthy lifestyle and mismanagement. Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in sports clubs would motivate them to become active in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and
consequently
, it eradicates the sedentary lifestyle
as well
as the frequent diseases.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
can overcome their extra burden through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
the total concentration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in work.

On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
and allowances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities
directly
affect the revenue of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
need to invest more time to plan the implementation of subsidized fitness clubs and for the verification of the proper participation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in it.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subsidies
upon the employee's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
fitness activities incorporate several issues to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
,
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
should generate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities to maintain the health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the modern world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is claimed
as the grave concern of the workers.
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IELTS essay Some offer their employees subsidised membership of gym or sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff Healthcare and thus more effective at work. Other employers see as no benefits in so doing. Discuss and give your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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