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Some of the things that have increased during the past years

Some of the things that have increased during the past years e38yJ
A number of areas have undergone during these decades. First and foremost, technology has developed drastically in all fields. In this case, increasing usage of electricity power triggered technology development in most part of the human life. Soon after, due to the invention of internet and expanding usage of it, scientists around the world were able to communicate easier. Besides, they have accessed a huge resource for studying and learning through the internet. Thanks to electricity power and internet, scientists can develop technology and because of that using technology has increased more and more in people’s daily life. The second item might be global warming. During these years, human builds a number of factories and most of these plants need fossil fuels in order to work. At the same time, million cars use non-renewable energy around the world. Increasing fossil fuels usage leads to enter more and more carbon dioxide to the air and, we know carbon dioxide is one of the most significant parts in green-house gases. In this era, because of emission green-house gases more and more, the earth temperature has increased continuously. Another item could be that we have to pay more to buy our requirements than several years ago. Inflation is one of the significant reasons in order to rise product’s price in many countries. At the same time, rising interest rates on bank loans increase the cost of producing goods in factories. Plus, companies have to add a percentage on employee’s salary annually.
A number of areas have undergone during these decades.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has developed
drastically
in all fields.
In this case
, increasing usage of electricity power triggered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
development in most part of the human life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Soon
after, due to the invention of internet and expanding usage of it, scientists around the world were able to communicate easier.
Besides
, they have accessed a huge resource for studying and learning through the internet. Thanks to electricity power and internet, scientists can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has increased more and more in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s daily life. The second item might be global warming. During these years, human builds a number of factories and most of these plants need fossil fuels in order to work. At the same time,
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
cars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
non-renewable energy around the world. Increasing fossil fuels usage leads to enter more and more carbon dioxide to the air and, we know carbon dioxide is one of the most significant parts in green-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
gases. In this era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of emission green-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
gases more and more, the earth temperature has increased
continuously
. Another item could be that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
our requirements than several years ago. Inflation is one of the significant reasons in order to rise product’s price in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. At the same time, rising interest rates on bank loans increase the cost of producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in factories. Plus,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a percentage on employee’s salary
annually
.

IELTS essay Some of the things that have increased during the past years

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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