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Some individuals believe that watching TV should be prohibited for kids due to some reasons. I firmly agree with that point of view

Some individuals believe that watching TV should be prohibited for kids due to some reasons. I firmly agree with that point of view LqJYV
At first and foremost watching TV is harmful to the eyes as children stare at it for several hours a day. Although experts advise them to sit meters away, seldom do we observe children pay attention to these precautions. Secondly, while it is necessary for them to have physical activities, spending long hours on the sofa would cause problems such as obesity and joint pains. Thirdly children have to do their homework and study to prepare for their exams. Watching TV is a major reason for distraction. It slows down children's progress in their lessons. Fourthly TV programs containing violence are not appropriate for children. Some films for example show a man who carries a gun and kills many people in the streets. According to psychologists, these pictures have a devastating impact on children's minds. Although TV series and films are ways of amusement and entertainment, however, they should take part in group games and plays, as this may improve their social interaction. TV may also provide kids with information, however, many videos can improve their knowledge. These videos can be selected first by teachers and then shown in school. In conclusion, I think children should be prohibited from TV due to adverse effects on health, a distraction from homework as well as violent content and its useful effects can be substituted with other measures
At
first
and foremost watching TV is harmful to the eyes as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stare at it for several hours a day. Although experts advise them to sit meters away, seldom do we observe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
pay attention to these precautions.
Secondly
, while it is necessary for them to have physical activities, spending long hours on the sofa would cause problems such as obesity and joint pains.

Thirdly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do their homework and study to prepare for their exams. Watching TV is a major reason for distraction. It slows down children's progress in their lessons.

Fourthly
TV programs containing violence are not appropriate for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
films
for example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who carries a gun and kills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the streets. According to psychologists, these pictures have a devastating impact on children's minds.

Although TV series and films are ways of amusement and entertainment,
however
, they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in group games and plays, as this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social interaction.

TV may
also
provide kids with information,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
videos can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge. These videos can
be selected
first
by teachers and then shown in school.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be prohibited
from TV due to adverse effects on health, a distraction from homework
as well
as violent content and its useful effects can
be substituted
with other measures
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IELTS essay Some individuals believe that watching TV should be prohibited for kids due to some reasons. I firmly agree with that point of view

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
224 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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