Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

some individuals believe that it is better for countries to have more proportion of young adult citizens

some individuals believe that it is better for countries to have more proportion of young adult citizens nxX1P
Nowadays, some individuals believe that it is better for countries to have more proportion of young adult citizens in comparison to having a large number of elderly people in their population and some of them think the opposite. I strongly opine that having more young adults is more useful for the countries and I am of the opinion that the merits of this condition can easily outweigh the drawbacks. There are more merits regarding having more young adults in compared with old citizens for the country, one of the most significant merits of which is beneficial in terms of economic situations. When these young people get old enough to have an occupation, the employers can employ them in any positions and make their industry more flourish, because of the fact that young adults are more open-minded and nowadays most people of the new generation are educated. So, they are equipped with brand new knowledge and bright useful academical ideas which means they can work efficiently for the companies. In addition, not only young adults are able to work useful but also the countries which have not the density of elderly inhabitants do not face the expenses of health facilities because young people rarely go to hospitals and the authorities can invest the country budget on more beneficial activities such as developing economy growth. On the other hand, a country which has a high density of young people population are dealing with some drawbacks and one of the most vital ones is that supply their demand at the same time. For Instance, Iran is a developing country, and 20 years ago encountered this situation, the number of participants for entrance exam of universities was way higher than the amount of capacity of universities hence, the politicians had to make more universities for their demands on a limited time. However, with constructive planning and opt logical decisions for the country at the right time, authorities can prevent struggle with unfortunate problems and they can use various opportunities which are brought in by having more young adults in the population. In conclusion, I entirely believe that young adults are more efficient citizens in comparison with elderly people and also they can play operative roles in social construction.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to have more proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adult citizens
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their population and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the opposite. I
strongly
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
is more useful for the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
countries and
I am of the opinion that the merits of this condition can
easily
outweigh the drawbacks.

There are more merits regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in compared with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
citizens for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, one of the most significant merits of which is beneficial in terms of economic situations. When these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to have an occupation, the employers can employ them in any positions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their industry more flourish,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are more open-minded and nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the new generation
are educated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
are equipped
with
'brand new' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "brand-new".
brand new
knowledge and bright useful academical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which means they can work
efficiently
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
In addition
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are able to work useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which have not the density of elderly inhabitants do not face the expenses of health facilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely go to hospitals and the authorities can invest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
budget on more beneficial activities such as developing economy growth.

On the other hand
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which has a high density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
population are dealing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks and one of the most vital ones is that supply their demand at the same time.
For Instance
, Iran is a developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and 20 years ago encountered this situation, the number of participants for entrance exam of universities was way higher than the amount of capacity of universities
hence
, the politicians had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more universities for their demands on a limited time.
However
, with constructive planning and opt logical decisions for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
at the right time, authorities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
struggle with unfortunate
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
various opportunities which
are brought
in by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in the population.

In conclusion
, I
entirely
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are more efficient citizens
in comparison
with elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
also
they can play operative roles in social construction.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay some individuals believe that it is better for countries to have more proportion of young adult citizens

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts