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Some individuals argue that both girls and boys who are given pouch currency every week have less issues about money management when children become full-grown.

Some individuals argue that both girls and boys who are given pouch currency every week have less issues about money management when children become full-grown. bEVg6
Some individuals argue that both girls and boys who are given pouch currency every week have less issues about money management when children become full-grown. I concur with the group who believe that humans should teach managing money from their primary age. On the one hand, there are a lot of advantages of this topic that still being discussed. Firstly, people aspire to earn money. That is why when children and period will develop there will be are number of dreams and wishes. Individuals try to achieve their dreams. If parents donate money to their children they learn how to buy and shopping. Secondly, when both male and females give pocket money to their children every week they also acquire to save money and to purchase something. One of best example of this is nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that both girls and boys who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pouch currency every week have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun issues is countable.
less
issues about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become full-grown. I concur with the group who believe that humans should teach managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their primary age.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages of this topic that
still
being discussed
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aspire to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
That is
why when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and period will develop there will be
Consider using the past participle "been"?
are
number of dreams and wishes. Individuals try to achieve their dreams. If parents donate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and shopping.
Secondly
, when both male and females give pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
every week they
also
acquire to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something. One
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the best".
of best
example of this is
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
nowadays
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IELTS essay Some individuals argue that both girls and boys who are given pouch currency every week have less issues about money management when children become full-grown.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
134 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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