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becoming mature in money management parents need to encourage their children with some monetary support such as pocket money for their weekly needs

becoming mature in money management parents need to encourage their children with some monetary support such as pocket money for their weekly needs 2rBVA
It is generally accepted that for becoming mature in money management parents need to encourage their children with some monetary support such as pocket money for their weekly needs. I partially agree thatb allowance for children can create sense of using and the meaning of cash; however it can also led young ones for misusing them. On the one hand, pocket money can have benefits about meaning finance at all in juvenile mind. Firstly, during the using of cash they can accept vitality of money in human life. It means that when money has been used for expenditures as it become the new investigation about the money value in kids brain. Secondly, the burden of responsibility for funds will cause engendring basis of finance managing. For instance, after the getting allowance from parents they will try to use the minor part of them in order to accomulate cash, which is the first step in financial independence through management of cash. However, there are negative aspects which can be faced by reckless parents. Children, futhermore, have not strong mind which can led to misusage of money. It means that they can be enforced by young people as a sourse of finding new expirience by purchasing illegal drugs, alchohol or to be robbed. Moreover, they can depend from this support even after they becoming adults. For example, scientific evidence show that in the last century number of adults who live with parents or with their monetary support are growth significantly. In conclusion, however most people believe that parets should give allowance for financial prosperity of their children in the future, I believe that by unconciousness of parents it can have a negative impact.
It is
generally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that for becoming mature in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
monetary support such as pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their weekly needs. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
Possible spelling mistake found.
thatb
allowance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can create sense of using and the meaning of cash;
however
it can
also
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
led
young ones for misusing them.

On the one hand, pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can have benefits about meaning finance at all in juvenile mind.
Firstly
, during the using of cash they can accept vitality of money

in human life. It means that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for expenditures as it become the new investigation about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
value in kids brain.
Secondly
, the burden of responsibility for funds will cause
Possible spelling mistake found.
engendring
basis of finance managing.
For instance
, after the getting allowance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
they will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the minor part of them in order to
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomulate
cash, which is the
first
step in financial independence through management of cash.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects which can
be faced
by reckless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
futhermore
, have not strong mind which can led to
Possible spelling mistake found.
misusage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It means that they can
be enforced
by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as a
Possible spelling mistake found.
sourse
of finding new
Possible spelling mistake found.
expirience
by purchasing illegal drugs,
Possible spelling mistake found.
alchohol
or to
be robbed
.
Moreover
, they can
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depend on".
depend
from this support even after
Did you mean "they're becoming", "they are becoming", or "they were becoming"?
they becoming
adults.
For example
, scientific evidence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that in the last century number of adults who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or with their monetary support are growth
significantly
.

In conclusion
,
however
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
parets
should give allowance for financial prosperity of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the future, I believe that by
Possible spelling mistake found.
unconciousness
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.
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IELTS essay becoming mature in money management parents need to encourage their children with some monetary support such as pocket money for their weekly needs

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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