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Some health problems are directly linked to people’s life choices. Why do people make these choices? What can be done to encourage them to make healthier choices instead?

Some health problems are directly linked to people’s life choices. Why do people make these choices? What can be done to encourage them to make healthier choices instead? 8QglG
In this modern world most of the health related issues are because of the choices people make weathere that are their unhealthy eating habits or the habit of sleeping less, so this essay will discuss what make people choose these kind of unhealthy habits and how to eacourage people to shift there choices. In this competitive world everyone had hactiv schedule so in order to complies with these schedules people choose to work day and night and ready to cut down there sleep time. In other words every one in this materialistic world wants to be successful as soon as possible so in the way of achieving this success individual are preferring less sleep and more work but they are unaware of the fact that lack of sleep will make them less productive at work and also pushing them closer to hazardous diseases and that will automatically reduce there success rate similarly most of the people today choose readymate and unhealthy packed food to save there time and energy from cooking a good meal as a consequence this is making people obese, for instance 45% of the young people in the America are suffering from obesity because of eating unhealthy foods. In order to make people choose healthy choices instead, the two things can be done, first the government shall announce some campaign which make people aware so the risks that can be caused due to there habits and encourage them to eat healthy and tell them the benefits of cooking meals at homes, to illustrate, 65% of the population in germeny get obesity free after 3years of when there government announces awareness campaign secondly the companies should encourage there employees to take good night sleep and give some extra day to complete there assignments. To conclude, it can be said that hactic schedule are forcing individuals to choose theses unhealthy choices however they can be shifted by insisting small steps.
In this modern world most of the health related issues are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the choices
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
Possible spelling mistake found.
weathere
that are their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habit
of sleeping less,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this essay will discuss what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and how to
Possible spelling mistake found.
eacourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to shift
Did you mean "their"?
there
choices.

In this competitive world everyone had
Possible spelling mistake found.
hactiv
schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in order to
Did you mean "comply"?
complies
with these schedules
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
to work day and night and ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
time.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
other words every one in this materialistic world wants to be successful as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the way of achieving this success individual
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and more work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are unaware of the fact that lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them less productive at work and
also
pushing them closer to hazardous diseases and that will
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
there success rate
similarly
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
Possible spelling mistake found.
readymate
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
packed food to save there time and energy from cooking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
meal as a consequence this is making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obese,
for instance
45% of the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the America are suffering from obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
foods.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
healthy choices
instead
, the two things can
be done
,
first
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shall announce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
campaign which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
aware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that can
be caused
due to
Did you mean "their"?
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and encourage them to eat healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
them the benefits of cooking meals at homes, to illustrate, 65% of the population in
Possible spelling mistake found.
germeny
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
obesity free after 3years of when there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
announces awareness campaign
secondly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should encourage there employees to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
night
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra day to complete
Did you mean "their"?
there
assignments.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
hactic
schedule are forcing individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
theses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
choices
however
they can
be shifted
by insisting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
steps.
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IELTS essay Some health problems are directly linked to people’s life choices. Why do people make these choices? What can be done to encourage them to make healthier choices instead?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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