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“Some experts opine that a new language should be introduced for all countries for international communication. ”Do you think the benefits of introducing a new international language will outweigh the problems? v.1

“Some experts opine that a new language should be introduced for all countries for international communication. ”Do you think the benefits of introducing a new international language will outweigh the problems? v. 1
It is true that nowadays plenty of people spend increasingly less time at their own apartment. There could be several reasons why this is the case, and I believe that both individuals and society would be influenced by the negative results brought by this phenomenon. There are various reasons why many people spend more time in the outside world. Firstly, especially for youngsters, they have to work overtime for their hard-won jobs or ruthless enterprise culture. Given the fierce competition in modern society around the world, scarcity of jobs makes almost every person desperate to keep their job. Another reason why people seldom stay at home is that they have to go out to have fun. There are much more entertaining places outside than their narrow rented flat which was terribly boring. In my view, declining time at home has some negative effects both on individuals and society. On the one hand, people's physical and mental health are both threatened by staying outside too long. As we know, staff usually order takeout at noon when they are at work, which has potential risks for their health. Moreover, against the background of a faster and more competitive society, we are suffering more and more pressure which probably leads to depression. On the other hand, more social conflicts may be caused by this circumstance for lacking conversations and exchanges with family. In conclusion, I believe that working overtime is the principal reason why people spend less time at flat and both the health of people and social stability can be awfully influenced by it.
It is true that nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
increasingly
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
apartment. There could be several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why this is the case, and I believe that both individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
would
be influenced
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
results brought by this phenomenon.

There are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the outside world.
Firstly
,
especially
for youngsters, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work overtime for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-won jobs or ruthless enterprise culture.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the fierce competition in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
around the world, scarcity of jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
almost every person desperate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their job. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seldom stay at home is that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go out to have fun. There are much more entertaining places outside than their narrow rented flat which was
terribly
boring.

In my view, declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects both on individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's physical and mental health are both threatened by staying outside too long. As we know, staff
usually
order takeout at noon when they are at work, which has potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for their health.
Moreover
, against the background of a faster and more competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, we are suffering more and more pressure which
probably
leads to depression.
On the other hand
, more social conflicts may
be caused
by this circumstance for lacking conversations and exchanges with family.

In conclusion
, I believe that working overtime is the principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at flat and both the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and social stability can be awfully influenced by it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay “Some experts opine that a new language should be introduced for all countries for international communication. ”Do you think the benefits of introducing a new international language will outweigh the problems? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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