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Some employers offer their employees subsidised memebership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v.1

Some employers offer their employees subsidised memebership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 1
Certain employers provide extra pre-paid activities for their personnal, hoping that it will increase personnal's productivity and make them healthier, however, a different kind employers see no meaning and benefit in doing so. In this essay, the both points will be considered and disscussed. First and foremost, it can be noticed that overall workers' performance indeed might be reinforced, if some extra outdoor activities will be provided for them. For example, if employee will receive sponsored by employer vacations and take advantage of it, then he or she possibly will appreciate it, and furthermore will show a better results during its work time. Another words, the fact that employer did show some care may raise the incentives of the worker to perform the given task more efficiently. Thus, the so-called job satisifacation can be in itself a motivating factor. Conversely, if employer decides to not to do anything in terms of a provided leisure time for their personnal, then it most likely will result in negative overall performace of employees. Example of this, can be walkouts or other sort of protests organised by unhappy workers. Consequently the company may start to lose money by losing the profit gained from increased workers' performance. Thus, it is essentially vital for company to include as a part of managment course, the pre-paid leisure activities for their personnal. In conclusion, it can be confidently conveyed, while health-related subsidies are superficially attractive, the lack of measurability is a substantial drawback. Spending funds on ongoing training would appear to be a better use of company.
Certain
employers
provide extra
pre-paid
activities for their
personnal
, hoping that it will increase
personnal
's productivity and
make
them healthier,
however
, a
different
kind
employers
see
no meaning and benefit in doing
so
. In this essay, the both points will
be considered
and
disscussed
.

First
and foremost, it can
be noticed
that
overall
workers' performance
indeed
might
be reinforced
, if
some
extra outdoor activities will
be provided
for them.
For example
, if employee will receive sponsored by
employer
vacations and take advantage of it, then he or she
possibly
will appreciate it, and
furthermore
will
show
a better results during its work time.
Another words
, the fact that
employer
did
show
some
care may raise the incentives of the worker to perform the
given
task more
efficiently
.
Thus
, the
so
-called job
satisifacation
can be in itself a motivating factor.

Conversely
, if
employer
decides
to not to
do anything in terms of a provided leisure time for their
personnal
, then it most likely will result in
negative
overall
performace
of employees. Example of this, can be walkouts or other sort of protests
organised
by unhappy workers.
Consequently
the
company
may
start
to lose money by losing the profit gained from increased workers' performance.
Thus
, it is
essentially
vital for
company
to include as a part of
managment
course, the
pre-paid
leisure activities for their
personnal
.

In conclusion
, it can be
confidently
conveyed, while health-related subsidies are
superficially
attractive, the lack of
measurability
is a substantial drawback. Spending funds on ongoing training would appear to be a better
use
of
company
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some employers offer their employees subsidised memebership of gyms and sports clubs, believing that this will make their staff healthier and thus more effective at work. Other employers see no benefit in doing so. Consider the arguments from both aspects of this possible debate, and reach a conclusion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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