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some educationist arguer that non-exam arts-based subject, such as music, drama, art, and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve over all academic performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

some educationist arguer that non-exam arts-based subject, such as music, drama, art, and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve over all academic performance. v. 1
The issue of non-exam subject has been debated by educationer and students in recent years. It's argued that students must attend the non-exam subject like music instrument, PE, acting, hand craft in their secondary class, because of the academic performance can be progross. In my perspective, i totally agree with students should joining non-subject curriculm since it can develp individual potential talnet as well as let them learn how to cooperate in the group. First all, everyone has unknown potencial and tanet on specific subjects, parents and educationist should not only pay attention on exam but over-all develpment. Although the students have excellent transcript on the exam is doesn't represent stduents know what their strghth and weakness are. On the other hand, students who don't get better score on their test, it doesn't mean they are bad at studying. For instance, when i in elementary school, i was keen on PE class, and because of that, i joined to school team and won the championship of the city. Clearly, if i had not took PE class, i would not known i have passion on excrise, even won the comptition. Furthermore, it is esstional to learn to interact and coperate with others. especially humainity emphysis globalization nowadays, people need to know how to operate teamwork in order to achieve the goal. By doing this, students are not only can learn from each others but also improve their geneall performance as well as boost their self-esstem. In conclusion, i mantain that it is essestion and compulsory to let students to join in their scondary school, that's the fact that children have more oppurnity to discove their passionate and tanetlt. What's more, while interact with others students and coperation, stusents know how to admire and work as a team. In the future, i sicenrely wish govement can encourage more students to join non-exam subject and more activities provide to students, so in the society, people will not only focus on how much score they get.
The issue of non-exam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
has
been debated
by
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educationer
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in recent years. It's argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
attend the non-exam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
like music instrument, PE, acting, hand craft in their secondary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the academic performance can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
progross
. In my perspective,
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i
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "join"
joining
non-subject
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curriculm
since it can
Possible spelling mistake found.
develp
individual potential
Possible spelling mistake found.
talnet
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them learn how to cooperate in the group.

First
all, everyone has unknown
Possible spelling mistake found.
potencial
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tanet
on specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, parents and educationist should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay attention on exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
over-all
Possible spelling mistake found.
develpment
. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have excellent transcript on the exam is doesn't represent
Possible spelling mistake found.
stduents
know what their
Possible spelling mistake found.
strghth
and weakness are. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better score on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, it doesn't mean they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
at studying.
For instance
, when i in elementary school,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was keen on PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
to school team and won the championship of the city.
Clearly
, if
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
had not
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "taken".
took
PE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would not known
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have passion on
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excrise
, even won the
Possible spelling mistake found.
comptition
.

Furthermore
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
esstional
to learn to interact and
Possible spelling mistake found.
coperate
with others.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
especially
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humainity
Possible spelling mistake found.
emphysis
globalization nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to know how to operate teamwork in order to achieve the goal. By doing this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can learn from each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "other"?
others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
Possible spelling mistake found.
geneall
performance
as well
as boost their
Possible spelling mistake found.
self-esstem
.

In conclusion
, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
mantain
that it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
essestion
and compulsory to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
scondary
school, that's the fact that children have more
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurnity
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
discove
their passionate and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tanetlt
. What's more, while interact with others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
coperation
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
stusents
know how to admire and work as a team. In the future, i
Possible spelling mistake found.
sicenrely
wish
Possible spelling mistake found.
govement
can encourage more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
non-exam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and more activities provide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on how
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
score they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Mistakes

IELTS essay some educationist arguer that non-exam arts-based subject, such as music, drama, art, and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve over all academic performance. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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