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Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. v.2

Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. v. 2
Nowadays, some countries have introduced anti-tobacco laws in order to prevent health issues among their citizens, while others completely ignore that problem because they think that it is a personal choice and no governmental regulation in this area is required. Personally, I believe that tobacco users should be banned from smoking at work or in other public facilities as it is harmful to others’ health. Some countries follow the rule that people should have freedom in their choices, and it is not legitimate to restrict tobacco usage to any extent. Citizens of those think that their personal right to smoke is more important than others right to be healthy. As a result, it is totally acceptable in these countries to smoke in restaurants, offices or even schools. For example, there are many cafes in Vienna where only smoking areas exist because of the tobacco companies’ lobby. Despite being totally acceptable in some places, smoking in public areas is banned in many countries all over the world because it is dangerous for people’s health. Many scientific researchers claim that cigarette fumes cause a range of diseases which leads to serious injuries and death even for passive smokers. It illustrates that society should be protected from the harmful influence of tobacco burning products in order to make it healthier. A vivid example of this destructing effect is that if employees inhale cigarette smoke during their working day, there is an increased risk for them to develop serious diseases such as lung cancer. To conclude, it is scientifically proven that passive smoking is as harmful as a direct consumption of cigarettes, and the government should not allow smoking in public places even if some countries still allow that.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have introduced anti-tobacco laws in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
health issues among their citizens, while others completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
that problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a personal choice and no governmental regulation in this area
is required
.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
users should
be banned
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
at work or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
public facilities as it is harmful to others’ health.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should have freedom in their choices, and it is not legitimate to restrict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
usage to any extent. Citizens of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their personal right to smoke is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than others right to be healthy.
As a result
, it is
totally
acceptable in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to smoke in restaurants, offices or even schools.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
in Vienna where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
areas exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
’ lobby.

Despite being
totally
acceptable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public areas
is banned
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
all over the world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s health.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
scientific researchers claim that cigarette fumes cause a range of diseases which leads to serious injuries and death even for passive smokers. It illustrates that society should
be protected
from the harmful influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
burning products in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it healthier. A vivid example of this destructing effect is that if employees inhale cigarette smoke during their working day, there is an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for them to develop serious diseases such as lung cancer.

To conclude
, it is
scientifically
proven that passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is as harmful as a direct consumption of cigarettes, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public places even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
that.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public buildings such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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