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Some companies push employees to retire after they pass middle age. Others allow employees to stay until they want to retire. Which do you think is better from the company’s point of view? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

Some companies push employees to retire after they pass middle age. Others allow employees to stay until they want to retire. Which do you think is better from the company’s point of view? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice. RwNXM
Retire is regret a things which nerver avoid in workplace of real life. From my perspective, I think allowing employees to stay until they want to retire is better than pushing employees to retire after they pass middle age. In this essay, I will give some reasons and explain why this is better. Employees work lot of years in a company who has lot of work experienced. They can training for new employees work in a company. They may teach them lot of things in work. Although employees passing middle age will study lower than young people. But, they want to contribute to a company. A company where they have been worked for more years. Finally, elderly employees feel happy because they have valuable gifl for a company. They feel glad to their distribution. In conclusion, a company should allowing employees to stay until they want to retire is better than pushing employees to retire after they pass middle age. They still want to contributes to a company, believe that they always have a valuable thing in a company. Point – Explain- Example- Result. Firstly, They still want to dedicate to the company when they have been working for many years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Retire
is regret
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a thing" or simply "things"?
a things
which
Possible spelling mistake found.
nerver
avoid in workplace of real life. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to stay until they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
is better than pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
after they pass middle age. In this essay, I will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why this is better.

Employees work
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
years in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
who has
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
work experienced. They can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "train"
training
for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
work in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. They may teach them lot of things in work.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
passing middle age will study lower than young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to contribute to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
where they have
been worked
for more years.

Finally
, elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
feel happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have valuable
Possible spelling mistake found.
gifl
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. They feel glad to their distribution.

In conclusion
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "allow"
allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to stay until they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
is better than pushing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retire
after they pass middle age. They
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "contribute".
contributes
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, believe that they always have a valuable thing in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Point
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Explain
- Example- Result.

Firstly
, They
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to dedicate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
when they have been working for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

IELTS essay Some companies push employees to retire after they pass middle age. Others allow employees to stay until they want to retire. Which do you think is better from the company’s point of view? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
201 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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