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SOME CLAIM THAT MEN ARE NATURALLY MORE COMPETITIVE THAN WOMEN. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

SOME CLAIM THAT MEN ARE NATURALLY MORE COMPETITIVE THAN WOMEN. alrXP
It is believed that the competitive nature of a female adult is basically greater than that of the female gender. I strongly agree with this opinion because men feel superior and wants to lead always, also being the breadwinner of the home they will want to withstand anyone who wants to barricade their opportunity of being a provider to the family and to the society. Conversely, the women’s submissive and motherly nature makes them to be satisfied with their personality. The main reason I believe men are naturally ambitious is because men feel superior to women, a character trait that positioned the men for high-ranking posts at work place, for example Chief Executive Officer(CEO), Directors or Manager, whereas, the females are designated to assume the post of a secretary or receptionist. For example in the history of the United State of America as documented in a Journal from USA no woman has ever been a president. Furthermore, the men are always to compete favourably especially with the female folks, if the position or office they occupy to amass wealth and be financially and authoritatively balanced to cater for their family, is in contention, anything in their power will be done to retain or maintain such seat, so that they will not be relegated by the society and their family. For Example; most political offices in Nigeria are won by men who feels they have better things to utilize money for than women. However, women are less competitive, it is believed generally that they are to be seen and not to be heard so they accept whatever is provided to them since they are not permitted to work. For instance, in Northern Nigeria, women are indoors while men are free to work. Besides, the motherhood role of women, i. e, pregnancy, nursing and nurturing children, care of the home coupled with the care for the husband seem so enormous that they just want to be better in their God’s given responsibilities rather than being competitive. In conclusion, though men are predisposed to be ambitious which are manifested in their habit as being superior and a provider. On the contrary, the women are dutiful and caregivers.
It
is believed
that the competitive nature of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
adult is
basically
greater than that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
gender. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
feel superior and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to
The adverb 'always' is usually put before the verb 'lead'.
lead always
,
also
being the breadwinner of the home they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to withstand anyone who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
to barricade their opportunity of being a provider to the family and to the society.
Conversely
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
submissive and
motherly
nature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to
be satisfied
with their personality.

The main reason I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are
naturally
ambitious is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
feel superior to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, a character trait that positioned the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
for high-ranking posts at work place,
for example
Chief Executive Officer(CEO), Directors or Manager, whereas, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are designated
to assume the post of a secretary or receptionist.
For example
in the history of the United State of America as documented in a Journal
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
no woman has ever been a president.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are always to compete
Possible spelling mistake found.
favourably
especially
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
folks, if the position or office they occupy to amass wealth and be
financially
and
authoritatively
balanced to cater for their family, is in contention, anything in their power will
be done
to retain or maintain such seat,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will not
be relegated
by the society and their family.
For Example
; most political offices in Nigeria
are won
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who
Did you mean "feel"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'men' should be used.
feels
they have better things to utilize money for than women.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are less competitive, it
is believed
generally
that they are to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
and not to
be heard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they accept whatever
is provided
to them since they are not permitted to work.
For instance
, in Northern Nigeria,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are indoors while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are free to work.
Besides
, the motherhood role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, i. e, pregnancy, nursing and nurturing children, care of the home coupled with the care for the husband seem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
enormous that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be better in their God’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
responsibilities
rather
than being competitive.

In conclusion
, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
are predisposed
to be ambitious which
are manifested
in their habit as being superior and a provider.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are dutiful and caregivers.
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IELTS essay SOME CLAIM THAT MEN ARE NATURALLY MORE COMPETITIVE THAN WOMEN.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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