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It is said that the champion in beauty contests must have the best physical appearance. What is your opinion?

It is said that the champion in beauty contests must have the best physical appearance. What is your opinion? 5aOEm
a number of people believe that the undefeated in a elegance pageant must be the one who have the perfect natural presentation. I completely disagree with this point of view. In my opinion, it is absurd to argue that alone lady with the finest substantial presence can be the winner in style discussion. I do not believe that artistry pageants are held merely to reward the most beautiful one. delicacy tournament are ones which are organized to search for the most intelligent, the most charming, the most elegant teenager not alone the she with the outstanding real debut. The unbeaten in style game is considered as a symbol of elegance, grace and youthfulness, as a result, they must have the harmonious combination between intelligence, congeniality, elegance not alone style. For example, Miss Universe 2015 PA West Zach was not the adolescent with leading natural presentation in the contest, and she was alone 170 cm high. She defeated other candidates by her intelligence, her elegance and her beautiful story about incredible attempt to be at Miss Universe. Furthermore, the super must be the one who have the most beneficial effect on public. The winner must have the integrity, they are not alone attractive on the contrary also kind and sympathy. They are also the symbol of kindness and attempt. We can take H’hen Nie as an example. H’hen Nie, the representative of Vietnam in Miss Universe 2018, went to top 5 Miss Universe. She was born in an ethnic minority which prevents her from numerous opportunities. She have swarthy skin and tow boy haircut, which is not appreciated in Vietnam. However, she got rid of all the difficulties and critic to become the symbol of style in Vietnam. She also impresses by her kindness. She attended numerous environment projects and charity to help improve the living standard of ethnic minorities. In conclusion, the hero in delicacy pageants must have alone natural arrival but also intelligence, grace and especially kindness.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the undefeated in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elegance
pageant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the one who have the perfect natural presentation. I completely disagree with this point of view.

In my opinion, it is absurd to argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
lady with the finest substantial presence can be the winner in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
discussion. I do not believe that artistry pageants
are held
merely
to reward the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
one.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
delicacy
tournament are ones which
are organized
to search for the most intelligent, the most charming, the most elegant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "she"?
the she
with the outstanding real debut. The unbeaten in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
game
is considered
as a symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elegance
, grace and youthfulness,
as a result
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the harmonious combination between intelligence, congeniality,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elegance
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
.
For example
, Miss Universe 2015 PA West Zach was not the adolescent with leading natural presentation in the contest, and she was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
170 cm high. She defeated other candidates by her intelligence, her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elegance
and her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
story about incredible attempt to be at Miss Universe.

Furthermore
, the super
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be the one who have the most beneficial effect on public. The winner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the integrity, they are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
attractive
on the contrary
also
kind and sympathy. They are
also
the symbol of kindness and attempt. We can take H’hen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nie
as an example. H’hen
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nie
, the representative of Vietnam in Miss Universe 2018, went to top 5 Miss Universe. She
was born
in an ethnic minority which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
her from numerous opportunities. She
The pronoun 'She' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "has", "had".
have
swarthy skin and tow boy haircut, which is not appreciated in Vietnam.
However
, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
rid of all the difficulties and critic to become the symbol of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
in Vietnam. She
also
impresses by her kindness. She attended numerous environment projects and charity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the living standard of ethnic minorities.

In conclusion
, the hero in delicacy pageants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
natural arrival
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
intelligence, grace and
especially
kindness.
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IELTS essay It is said that the champion in beauty contests must have the best physical appearance. What is your opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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