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Playing sports has many benefits

Playing sports has many benefits VwgN6
Playing sports has always been an interesting topic to discuss. No one can deny its benefits. I’m not an exception and I think playing sports has numerous benefits. Firstly, there is a survey organized to compare people who don't exercise and those who do. The result with no surprise-released that people who don't exercise tend to be more introverted than people who do it, and this is even worse for children. Especially with those who don’t like talking with others or try to be in their world. Because they tend to be introverts more than adults twice. Parents should observe their children to see if something strange happens to them. And in that case, they should divert their children’s minds to be different from that. Secondly, doing exercise is good for your body and your spirit. When you play sports, you are reducing fat calories in your body, and this contributes to losing weight. Because of that, you have a nice and healthy body. Furthermore, scientists have improved that it is also a factor for reducing stress. Besides that, when you have a good spirit then you can think more actively, and always be so energetic and eager. Thirdly, doing sports let you create a new healthier routine. Despite you just do exercises 2 or 3 times a week, you still create a good habit which benefits your body. You’ll feel your body stronger and sleep better because you put your strength on doing workouts in the daytime. Besides it also provides you a good way to relax when you have no idea what to do. You can choose an efficient time and then do at least some easy exercises. This is even more vital for the people who have paperwork as they have to face the computer for a long time (6-8 hours). Lastly, playing sports has only good benefits for you. If you didn’t do exercise, then I think you should change your mind and do it more to create a healthier life in the future. Even more, you can instill your energy to other people like you in the past.
Playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has always been an interesting topic to discuss. No one can deny its benefits. I’m not an exception and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has numerous benefits.

Firstly
, there is a survey organized to compare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do. The result with no surprise-released that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
tend to be more introverted than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do it, and this is even worse for children.
Especially
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don’t like talking with others or try to be in their world.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they tend to be introverts more than adults twice. Parents should observe their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
if something strange happens to them. And
in that case
, they should divert their children’s
The verb 'minds' is used with the gerund form: "minds being".
minds to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from that.

Secondly
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and your spirit. When you play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, you are reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
calories in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, and this contributes to losing weight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that, you have a nice and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
Furthermore
, scientists have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
that it is
also
a factor for reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Besides
that, when you have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
spirit then you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
actively
, and always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
energetic and eager.

Thirdly
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you create a new healthier routine. Despite you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
do
After the auxiliary verb 'do', use the base form of a verb. Did you mean "exercise"?
exercises
2 or 3 times a week, you
still
create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
habit which benefits your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. You’ll feel your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
stronger and sleep better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you put your strength on doing workouts in the daytime.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
it
also
provides you a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
way to relax when you have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
what to do. You can choose an efficient time and then do at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
. This is even more vital for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have paperwork as they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face the computer for a long time (6-8 hours).

Lastly
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
benefits for you. If you didn’t do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
, then I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
you should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your mind and do it more to create a healthier life in the future. Even more, you can instill your energy to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like you in the past.
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IELTS essay Playing sports has many benefits

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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