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some celebrations lost their meaning and olny focus on money. what problems does it cause and how to solve it

some celebrations lost their meaning and olny focus on money. what problems does it cause and how to solve it n35l
It is believed that some special occasion are much more focus on spending money and lost their orginal meaning in the recent years. Although this phenomenon exerts various negative impacts on the guests' pocket and the feeling of the host, it could be alleviated by rasing awareness and limited present recieved laws enacted by the government. No one would ever want to appear without a presents at an important celebrations with their peers, family, or relatives. The gift shop can predict the situation so they came with an advertising campaigns, and with the variation of choices which the buyers want to purchase a high in price gifts, this affect the emotions of the guests because it created a worriness about their choices. Every celebration has it own meaning behind that the host want to share it with their guests, normally, it is all about appreciating life and spending time with friends and family. Spending too much money in their special occasion make them feel stressful and unhappy, waiting for a worth-in-price presents from the guests, which it may cause arguments between loved ones. All of this blur the reason why the host want to celebrate the party. It is not easy to advise an adult that they have to follow any direction, they can do whatever they like if they have enough money. One possible solution to tackle this issue is that the government should limit the presents that the guest can give and the host can receive by passing a laws. Furthermore, it is responsiblity of schools and parents to educate the younger generation, so that they may respect the truth behind every celebration. In conclusion, paying much attention in spending money in a celebration brings no happiness, while the host feels unsatisfied of the party they means to marked their important moment, and the guests worry about the value of their present. In order to prevent this from happening in the future, the government soon need to enact a law that limit the giving and receiving presents for everyone, and the younger generation should be educated to do it better in the future.
It
is believed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special occasion are much more focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and lost their
Possible spelling mistake found.
orginal
meaning in the recent years. Although this phenomenon exerts various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the guests' pocket and the feeling of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
, it could
be alleviated
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
rasing
awareness and limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieved
laws enacted by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

No one would ever
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to appear without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
at an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "celebration"?
celebrations
with their peers, family, or relatives. The gift shop can predict the situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they came with an advertising campaigns, and with the variation of choices which the buyers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a high in price gifts, this affect the emotions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guests
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it created a
Possible spelling mistake found.
worriness
about their choices. Every celebration has it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
meaning behind that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to share it with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guests
,
normally
, it is all about appreciating life and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
time with friends and family.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spending
too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their special occasion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel stressful and unhappy, waiting for a worth-in-price
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guests
, which it may cause arguments between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. All of this blur the reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to celebrate the party.

It is not easy to advise an adult that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow any direction, they can do whatever they like if they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. One possible solution to tackle this issue is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should limit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guest
can give and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
can receive by passing
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a law" or simply "laws"?
a laws
.
Furthermore
, it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblity
of schools and parents to educate the younger generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may respect the truth behind every celebration.

In conclusion
, paying much attention in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a celebration brings no happiness, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
feels unsatisfied of the party they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "mean"
means
to marked their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
moment, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
guests
worry about the value of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
present
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this from happening in the future, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
need to enact a law that limit the giving and receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
presents
for everyone, and the younger generation should
be educated
to do it better in the future.
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IELTS essay some celebrations lost their meaning and olny focus on money. what problems does it cause and how to solve it

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
355 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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