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Opinion essay on manufacturing instant noodles

Opinion essay on manufacturing instant noodles JVDbe
TASK 1 The graphic below illustrates the processes of producing instant noodles. In this essay, I will explain the eight phases of it by giving a couple of information about them. The period begins with filling the storage silos with flour by a vehicle that carries it. This is the storing of the raw material process. Subsequently, the machinery production process starts with adding water and oil to the flour and mixing them. The mixer is the beginning of a long production line, which contains all phases until the finished products are ready for sale. After the mixer blends those three materials, evacuates the resulting dough through the rollers for becoming the shape of sheets. In the fourth stage, the machine cuts the dough into slight strips. These strips continue their manufacturing line with noodles discs, which come before the cooking and the drying part. The vegetables and the spices being added after the cooked noodles are filled into the cups. This is the last phase of manufacturing instant noodles. Yet, there is also the last labeling and sealing phase for the brand before sales. In conclusion, for manufacturing instant noodles the producers need only this machine with all production lines and the raw materials. It can be understood that from the mixer to the labeled finished product, there is no need for any employee. TASK 2 There is a debate between the population, which includes some people who believe in the great success of advertisement methods and the others who think that people are not interested in the same advertisements anymore. In this essay, I will compare these two views and try to interpret the conflict according to my experiences. First of all, there are various ways of the advertisement, which develops every year like as the changing trends. Therefore, nowadays people might be affected by advertisements without realizing it. For example, Instagram posts are the new way of introducing products. The influencers who have lots of subscribers can cause a great awareness with just story posts that show them while they are using these products. In addition, these kinds of advertisements make the buying process easier. People can buy a product with just a finger movement for swiping up the page. Hence, successful advertising is the one that the customers can not be aware of being persuaded. Secondly, technological developments enable to highlight the products to the people who have searched it for buying. Today, when a person writes swimming just once on Google, he or she will meet with the advertisements about swimming products on nearly every online page. This way sometimes can be the cause of realizing the necessity of some products, which you are not aware until that day. On the other hand, some methods of advertising are no longer suitable for creating the buying instinct in people. The advertisement companies which could not renew themselves according to the new generation may not have the attention of people.   For instance, the TV advertisements which show the effectiveness of the products are not sincere for audiences. People want to see real experiences with all positive and negative comments. In my opinion, advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things, but just the way of advertising has modernized. People will always be allowed to being influenced by real experiences of real people, and buying the things that even they do not know that they need them.
TASK 1

The graphic below illustrates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processes
of producing instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phases
of it by giving a couple of information about them.

The period
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with filling the storage silos with flour by a vehicle that carries it. This is the storing of the raw material
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
.
Subsequently
, the machinery production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with adding water and oil to the flour and mixing them. The mixer is the beginning of a long production line, which contains all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phases
until the finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are ready for sale.

After the mixer blends those three materials, evacuates the resulting dough through the rollers for becoming the shape of sheets. In the fourth stage, the machine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
the dough into slight strips. These strips continue their manufacturing line with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
discs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the cooking and the drying part.

The vegetables and the spices being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
after the cooked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
are filled
into the cups. This is the last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phase
of manufacturing instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
.
Yet
, there is
also
the last labeling and sealing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phase
for the brand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sales.

In conclusion
, for manufacturing instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
the producers need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this machine with all production lines and the raw materials. It can
be understood
that from the mixer to the labeled finished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, there is no need for any employee.

TASK 2

There is a debate between the population, which includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in the great success of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
methods and the others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not interested in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
anymore. In this essay, I will compare these two views and try to interpret the conflict according to my experiences.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are various ways of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
, which develops every year like as the changing trends.
Therefore
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
without realizing it.
For example
, Instagram posts are the new way of introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The influencers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have lots of subscribers can cause a great awareness with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
story posts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
them while they are using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
In addition
, these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
easier.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a finger movement for swiping up the page.
Hence
, successful advertising is the one that the customers can not be aware of
being persuaded
.

Secondly
, technological developments enable to highlight the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have searched it for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, when a person writes swimming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
once on Google, he or she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
about swimming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
on
nearly
every online page. This way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can be the cause of realizing the necessity of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which you are not aware until that day.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods of advertising are no longer suitable for creating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
instinct in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
which could not renew themselves according to the new generation may not have the attention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
For instance
, the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the effectiveness of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are not sincere for audiences.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
real experiences with all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
comments.

In my opinion, advertising is
extremely
successful at persuading us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the way of advertising has modernized.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
will always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
Did you mean "be"?
being
influenced by real experiences of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
the things that even they do not know that they need them.
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IELTS essay Opinion essay on manufacturing instant noodles

Essay
  American English
10 paragraphs
571 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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