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information is too valuble to share freely

information is too valuble to share freely raOgm
Some data based on education, business strategies and researches based on science are being kept confidential from the commoners. It is argued that consequential matters should be kept away from public, while others oppose and opine that all data should be made transparent. This essay will discuss both the views, alongside my perspective. On the one hand, according some people, the company information such as the strategies, affects the growth if shared globally. Moreover, some data could even create issues to the nation if shared among people. Additionally, society may not be able to understand the futuristic developments the projects are offering due to the limited knowledge level. For instance, Nicole Tesla was made to deviate from his projects when shared publicly. However, it is one of the rights of the people to know about the activities that are concerning them. On the other hand, a number of people suggest that the world should be made aware of merits and demerits of a new research or organization. Hence, if the developments affect country in a negative manner, they could make decisions to freeze such activities. For example, if the projects related to covid-19 was discussed by the needed organizations then they could have stopped the spread. Furthermore, some industries or institutions may use some methods to earn illegal money; thereafter, it can affect the nation in a wrong way. To conclude, some of the decisions taking part in an association which are significant and valuable should not be shared freely, although, I personally feel that society should be made aware of the information based on common citizens to take affective actions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
data based on education, business strategies and researches based on science are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
confidential from the commoners. It
is argued
that consequential matters should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
away from public, while others oppose and opine that all data should
be made
transparent. This essay will discuss both the views, alongside my perspective.

On the one hand, according
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
information such as the strategies, affects the growth if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
globally.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
data could even create issues to the nation if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Additionally
, society may not be able to understand the futuristic developments the projects are offering due to the limited knowledge level.
For instance
, Nicole Tesla
was made
to deviate from his projects when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
publicly
.
However
, it is one of the rights of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to know about the activities that
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are concerning
them.

On the other hand
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggest that the world should
be made
aware of merits and demerits of a new research or organization.
Hence
, if the developments affect country in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
manner, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions to freeze such activities.
For example
, if the projects related to
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid-19
was discussed
by the needed organizations then they could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
the spread.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industries or institutions may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to earn illegal money; thereafter, it can affect the nation in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
way.

To conclude
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
decisions taking part in an association which are significant and valuable should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shared
freely
, although, I
personally
feel that society should
be made
aware of the information based on common citizens to take affective actions.
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IELTS essay information is too valuble to share freely

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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