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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. yrD3
Usually, many things which surround us have both sides, bad and good. The Olympic games have them as well, which I will discuss below in detail. The people who like sports, the Olympic games, are very big events for them. This is a great opportunity to see your favorite sportsmen in real games and maybe you can take a photo with them. Many people plan to travel foreign countries to participate in the Olympic games. During this event the people from different countries get acquainted with each other's cultures, many of them become friends which might help them in the future. The country who conducts this event gets an enormous chance to develop the economical state of its country. Businesses can make great profit because of many people around them. But there is an opposite side of the Olympic games' advantages. Conducting this event, countries need a lot of money and sometimes they have to decrease financial streams from social programs, health sectors and different types of events which make people's lives much better. This is a huge disadvantage for people who need more health and social help. The second issue is transport's traffic increasing, which badly affects people's usual life and everyday habits. The people who feel badly claim that this event wastes their country's money and brings them discomfort. In conclusion, I think, first of all the Olympic games bring people happiness and they have an opportunity to relax from everyday difficulties. In addition this can be a great chance for countries who conduct such huge events.
Usually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which surround us have both sides,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. The Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have them
as well
, which I will discuss below in detail.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
like sports, the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
for them. This is a great opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
your favorite sportsmen in real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and maybe you can take a photo with them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
plan to travel foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to participate in the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. During this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acquainted with each other's cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them become friends which might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
conducts this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
an enormous chance to develop the economical state of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Businesses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
great profit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is an opposite side of the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
' advantages. Conducting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decrease financial streams from social programs, health sectors and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
much better. This is a huge disadvantage for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
need more health and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
. The second issue is transport's traffic increasing, which
badly
affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's usual life and everyday habits. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
feel
badly
claim that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
wastes their country's money and brings them discomfort.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
the Olympic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
happiness and
they have an opportunity to relax from everyday difficulties. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
this can be a great chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
conduct such huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
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IELTS essay Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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