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Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. awEMo
There are many who claim hosting the Olympics unproductively diverts money from more essential areas. In my opinion, despite these valid objections, there is still great value in the unifying impact of the Olympics. Critics argue there are urgent needs that should be prioritised over a sporting event. This applies to every nation but particularly developing ones. For example, the Olympics in Brazil in 2016 led to mass unrest and protests as locals felt too much money was being spent on the event and not enough on helping to alleviate worsening conditions among underprivileged segments of society. The government could have instead improved the infrastructure used by millions daily, invested more in education, or built more hospitals. These allocations of the federal budget would not only serve an immediate purpose but also have a longer-lasting effect than the Olympics. Nonetheless, most Olympic games are sponsored by developed nations and they occur very rarely which justifies their efforts to unify. The countries competing in the Olympics often have fraught international relationships and competition can counter-intuitively decrease tensions. Supporters may root against other countries in specific instances, such as when watching a football match, but they are united in their love of sports and the shared viewing experience. This has the subtle but powerful unconscious result of fostering greater empathy between diverse ethnic and national groups. When an individual roots for their country and their athletes, and sees other individuals partaking in the same ritual, they will realise that association within a larger tribe is an essential, common human trait. In conclusion, despite the seemingly inefficient allocation of funds, the Olympics are a mass, cooperative effort that has tremendous value. Therefore, countries should consider hosting the games with great honour.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who claim hosting the Olympics
unproductively
diverts money from more essential areas. In my opinion, despite these valid objections, there is
still
great value in the unifying impact of the Olympics.

Critics argue there are urgent needs that should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritised' is British English.
prioritised
over a sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
applies to
every nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
particularly
developing ones.
For example
, the Olympics in Brazil in 2016 led to mass unrest and protests as locals felt too much money was
being spent
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
on helping to alleviate worsening conditions among underprivileged segments of society. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
could have
instead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
the infrastructure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by millions daily, invested more in education, or built more hospitals. These allocations of the federal budget would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
serve an immediate purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have a longer-lasting effect than the Olympics.

Nonetheless, most
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
are sponsored
by developed
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nations and
they occur
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
rarely which justifies their efforts to unify. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
competing in the Olympics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have fraught international relationships and competition can counter-
intuitively
decrease tensions. Supporters may root against other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in specific instances, such as when watching a football match,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are united
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of sports and the shared viewing experience. This has the subtle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
powerful unconscious result of fostering greater empathy between diverse ethnic and national groups. When an individual roots for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and their athletes, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
other individuals partaking in the same ritual, they will
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that association within a larger tribe is an essential, common human trait.

In conclusion
, despite the
seemingly
inefficient allocation of funds, the Olympics are a mass, cooperative effort that has tremendous value.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should consider hosting the games with great
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
.
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IELTS essay Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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