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Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement Until what age individuals should work is a debatable issue; it is argued by many people that individuals should stop working once they reach the age of retirement. This essay strongly supports this view as this will greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated. v.2

Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement Until what age individuals should work is a debatable issue; it is argued by many people that individuals should stop working once they reach the age of retirement. This essay strongly supports this view as this will greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated. v. 2
It is a depute the old people who are close getting to retire whether or not continue to work. In my perspective, elders should rest without thinking about the job. I will briefly explain it in these below paragraphs. In the modern life, the age of retirement is increased by the governments. Thus, many individuals can not live in a good standard because of spending their time mostly in the office or work place. Meanwhile, these people can not learn easily the developing technology and its applications as much as the young people. Therefore, their performance linking to new technology or even only based on an official program on the computer can be worse. Due to the fact that the younger employment can work hard their older colleagues. These are the reason of, the peace of work cannot be stable, nervousness and intolerance can replaced. for example, the most successful company in my town, announced only hired the people who 18-50 years old. They think about their profit, also high performance of the worker's. By the way, they can pay the retirement salary to them, after 50 years old. I completely join the idea not only about a company, also supporting to the employers. On the other hand, if a person cannot find a job opportunity after nearly retirement age, the governments should hire him. Thus, older people feel safety in order to get profit to the company, even if they exit the job. This programme uses by the authorities, is beneficial for all society. That is to say, when the people hired, they can not afraid of unemployment, they can obtain to retire whatever they want. For instance, Karabuk municipality declared that over 50 years individuals financed by them. They explained the money sponsoring circumstances, the elders can choose two of their choices. One of them, if they do not join a service, they can reach a half of the payment. The second one, they can be the officer in the municipality with a full payment check. Clearly, the authorities should manage the needs of the communities. In conclusion, I restate that older people have a high life standard, they can not worry about the bills or rent. The governments and also authorities should give advice and financial supporting to them. In the last words, if they want to join work area, they can reach safely and equal payment. If they do not want to hire any more, the salary can pay.
It is
a depute
the
old
people
who are close getting to retire
whether or not
continue to
work
. In my perspective, elders should rest without thinking about the job. I will
briefly
explain
it in these below paragraphs.

In the modern life, the age of retirement
is increased
by the
governments
.
Thus
,
many
individuals can not
live
in a
good
standard
because
of spending their time
mostly
in the office or
work
place. Meanwhile, these
people
can not learn
easily
the developing technology and its applications as much as the young
people
.
Therefore
, their performance linking to new technology or even
only
based on an official program on the computer can be worse. Due to the fact that the younger employment can
work
hard
their older colleagues. These are the reason of, the
peace
of
work
cannot be stable, nervousness and intolerance can replaced.
for
example, the most successful
company
in my town, announced
only
hired the
people
who 18-50 years
old
. They
think
about their profit,
also
high performance of the worker's. By the way, they can pay the retirement salary to them, after 50 years
old
. I completely
join
the
idea
not
only
about a
company
,
also
supporting to the employers.

On the other hand
, if a person cannot find a job opportunity after
nearly
retirement age, the
governments
should hire him.
Thus
, older
people
feel safety in order to
get
profit to the
company
, even if they exit the job. This
programme
uses
by the authorities, is beneficial for all society.
That is
to say, when the
people
hired, they
can not afraid
of unemployment, they can obtain to retire whatever they want.
For instance
,
Karabuk
municipality declared that over 50 years individuals financed by them. They
explained
the money sponsoring circumstances, the elders can choose two of their choices. One of them, if they do not
join
a service, they can reach a half of the payment. The second one, they can be the officer in the municipality with a full payment
check
.
Clearly
, the authorities should manage the needs of the communities.

In conclusion
, I restate that older
people
have a high life standard, they can not worry about the bills or rent. The
governments
and
also
authorities should give advice and financial supporting to them. In the last words, if they want to
join
work
area, they can reach
safely
and equal payment. If they do not want to hire
any more
, the salary can pay.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some Believe That People Should Not Continue To Work Once They Reach The Age Of Retirement Until what age individuals should work is a debatable issue; it is argued by many people that individuals should stop working once they reach the age of retirement. This essay strongly supports this view as this will greatly benefits an individual to stay blissful and motivated. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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