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Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. 9gXj
As a lot of crimes are happening these days, some argue that this issue can be solved by making strict laws while others think that by doing so a lot of innocent people may face consequences as the judicial system can be corrupted. However, I support that the crime rate must be reduced by strict laws. Most of the violations of law happen due to flexible and negligible punishment to the criminal. If only these laws are severe then the criminal would think at least once before committing the offense. For instance, most of the Arabian countries have strict laws against offenses that’s why the crime rate in these countries is very low. Additionally, these countries are also providing better lifestyles and security to their citizens. On the other hand, some argue that strict laws can go against the innocent furthermore this will lead to more offenses. As the judiciary judges on proofs and the witnesses, these can be fabricated which will eventually defeat the very purpose of these strict laws. For instance, there are a lot of cases where because of corrupt officials the innocent people are proven guilty. Although there is corruption in the judicial system, that can only be tackled by having strict laws against corruption as well. Eventually, no one will commit any crime. This will lead to a healthy and happy society. To conclude, crime and corruption will continue to rise until we have inflexible and harsh laws against them, moreover, these laws must take care of the not guilty.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are happening these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that this issue can
be solved
by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may face consequences as the judicial system can
be corrupted
.
However
, I support that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
laws.

Most of the violations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
happen due to flexible and negligible punishment to the criminal. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
are severe then the criminal would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
at least once
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
committing the offense.
For instance
, most of the Arabian countries have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against offenses that’s why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in these countries is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low.
Additionally
, these countries are
also
providing better lifestyles and security to their citizens.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
can go against the innocent
furthermore
this will lead to more offenses. As the judiciary judges on proofs and the witnesses, these can
be fabricated
which will
eventually
defeat the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
purpose of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
.
For instance
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cases where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of corrupt officials the innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are proven
guilty.

Although there is corruption in the judicial system, that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be tackled
by having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against corruption
as well
.
Eventually
, no one will commit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. This will lead to a healthy and happy society.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and corruption will continue to rise until we have inflexible and harsh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
against them,
moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take care of the not guilty.
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IELTS essay Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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