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Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now. 238x
Most of the people in society believe that it is necessary to take strict action against the people who do commit crime meanwhile other think it can be solved meanwhile others think it could be tackled without doing it. In my opinion there should be a strict punishment for criminals. Firstly, there should be high penalty for people who commit and think no one will care, but if we apply some sort of charges against same people, next time before doing it they will rethink about doing it. For instance, in Arabian countries the cases of rape against women are equal to zero because if one found guilty then he has to jail for 200 years. Also there should be more strict lows for crimes so that individuals will get aware about it and will not commit same due to its strict chargers. For example if there are no strict charges against small crimes so people tends to take them lightly but if they are more serious then crime rate will goes down automatically. Meanwhile if we don’t give punishment to such criminals then they will commit same mistake again and again since no one is there to charge them since it has become very common for them. In my opinion, there should be strict punishment for people who are committing small crimes so due to this very next person who is having same thought will change his or her mind. To sum up, criminals must pay hard penalties so no other will try to commit and people will live in peaceful environment and will not afraid to do anything legal anytime.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society believe that it is necessary to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
action against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
meanwhile other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it can
be solved
meanwhile others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it could
be tackled
without doing it. In my opinion there should be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
punishment for criminals.

Firstly
, there should be high penalty for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
no one will care,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if we apply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of charges against same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
next
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
doing it they will rethink about doing it.
For instance
, in Arabian countries the cases of rape against women are equal to zero
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if one found guilty then he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
jail for 200 years.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there should be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
lows for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that individuals will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware about it and will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
same due to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
chargers.
For example
if there are no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
charges against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
tends
to take them
lightly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if they are more serious
Did you mean "than"?
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "go"
goes
down
automatically
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
if we don’t give punishment to such criminals then they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
same mistake again and again since no one is there to charge them since it has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common for them.

In my opinion, there should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
punishment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are committing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
due to this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
next
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is having same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
mind.

To sum up, criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
penalties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no other will try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
commit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peaceful environment and will not afraid to do anything legal anytime.
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IELTS essay Some believe that more action should be taken to prevent crime, while others feel that crime is being tackled effectively now.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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