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Some believe that govt should financially support retired people, while others feel they should self support. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some believe that govt should financially support retired people, while others feel they should self support. RNwQQ
There no doubt that retired person needs help from the society, whether it’s in the form of authority or self-support. This essay will highlight on the way, how should be they helped and my view of them. There are two main ways to support them. Firstly, the ministry should directly or indirectly support them, it’s not always the direct money transfer, but there are many different ways, like the introduction of pension plan. Secondly, the retired person should start a savings from his/her early age as a reserve, which can be used at an older age. Or he/she should invest in a business which could provide him sufficient return in his/her older age. Here are my views on both the above approaches. In my view, the state should help the aged citizen of their country as it provides a feeling of security to them, moreover its governments duty to help them when they need them the most. In second approach it’s good that the fellow person is not relying alone on the power by planning his retirement plan. In conclusion, this essay highlighted my view on how elder people should approach the situation. In my opinion, both the approaches are interdependent on each other. Nor government alone can give financial support nor the citizens, it should be the combination of both.
There no doubt that retired person needs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the society, whether it’s in the form of authority or self-support. This essay will highlight on the way, how should be they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
of them.

There are two main ways to support them.
Firstly
, the ministry should
directly
or
indirectly
support them, it’s not always the direct money transfer,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, like the introduction of pension plan.
Secondly
, the retired person should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a savings from his/her early age as a reserve, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at an older age. Or he/she should invest in a business which could provide him sufficient return in his/her older age.

Here are my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
views
on both the above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
, the state should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the aged citizen of their country as it provides a feeling of security to them,
moreover
its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
duty to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them when they need them the most. In second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
it’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that the fellow person is not relying alone on the power by planning his retirement plan.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion, this essay highlighted my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
on how elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
the situation.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
my opinion, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
are interdependent on each other. Nor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
alone can give financial support nor the citizens, it should be the combination of both.
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IELTS essay Some believe that govt should financially support retired people, while others feel they should self support.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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