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Some believe in enrolling their children into the best schools so that they learn to socialize while others believe that homeschooling is a better option. Discuss both views and where do you stand on this topic? v.1

Some believe in enrolling their children into the best schools so that they learn to socialize while others believe that homeschooling is a better option. v. 1
Nowadays, people are living in a cut-throat competitive world. So, mankind must be proactive about their future goals. Education is an indispensable aspect to become a renowned personality. Due to that, a few insist that their children should study in best institutes so that they learn to socialize with others and can develop other skills. Nevertheless, others argue that homeschooling is optimum. In my perception, I agree with the first point. Though, the essay will focus on both the sides and will reflect my opinion before coming to the conclusion. This paragraph will throw some light on white children must be enrolled with the best schools. To commence with, attending the academies personally brings Social awareness among pupils. Moreover, students can build up healthy relations with others and develop interpersonal skills. For instance, the first and foremost reason is that students comprehend to communicate with others. This, it not only brings Social awareness among themselves, but also diminishes the shyness nature of students. Moreover, attending the school can help them to solve their problem in a more convenient way with better accuracy. To add more, schools provide students to display their unique talent by participating in myriad recreational activities such as sports, cultural events and much more. On the contrary, a few Desire that toils lead to triumph. So, it is not mandatory to enrol students in the best schools. Instead, homeschooling is the optimum choice. Where a learner must be well focused. For example, nowadays there are many e-Learning applications available online through which an individual can study on their own. E-learning applications such as Byju's have different methods and tactics to illustrate the quandary of different questions. This application provides practical demonstration which not only helps the kids understand better, but also will save the time of the children for travelling to their Institution. To put in a nutshell, however, both have their own advantage but to enrol students in Best schools provide them with better facilities and a clear vision about their bright future.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competitive world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, mankind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be proactive about their future goals. Education is an indispensable aspect to become a renowned personality. Due to that, a few insist that their children should study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
institutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they learn to socialize with others and can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Nevertheless
, others argue that homeschooling is optimum. In my perception, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
first
point. Though, the essay will focus on both the sides and will reflect my opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to the conclusion.

This paragraph will throw
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on white children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be enrolled
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. To commence with, attending the academies
personally
brings Social awareness among pupils.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can build up healthy relations with others and develop interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, the
first
and foremost reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
comprehend to communicate with others. This, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
brings Social awareness among themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
diminishes the shyness nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, attending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to solve their problem in a more convenient way with better accuracy. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to display their unique talent by participating in myriad recreational activities such as sports, cultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and much more.

On the contrary
, a
Possible agreement error. The noun Desire seems to be countable; consider using: "few desires".
few Desire
that toils lead to triumph.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not mandatory to enrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Instead
, homeschooling is the optimum choice.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
a learner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be well focused.
For example
, nowadays there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
e-Learning applications available online through which an individual can study on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. E-learning applications such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Byju
's have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
methods and tactics to illustrate the quandary of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
questions. This application provides practical demonstration which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the kids understand better,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will save the time of the children for travelling to their Institution.

To put in a nutshell,
however
, both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to enrol
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide them with better facilities and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
vision about their bright future.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some believe in enrolling their children into the best schools so that they learn to socialize while others believe that homeschooling is a better option. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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