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Some believe hard work will bring 100% financial success, others believe there has to be more to achieve it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some believe hard work will bring 100% financial success, others believe there has to be more to achieve it. 2RrQo
The ways of achieving financial success are different in people’s minds. While some people are convinced that only hard work will lead to financial success, other individuals think that one needs to have more in order to achieve it. Personally, I strongly believe that only doing hard work and having strong hard skills does not contribute to financial success, whereas combining as much as possible good traits of character and being able to hard work leads to any form of success. On the one hand, it is undeniable that hard work and stubbornnes or so-called “Hard skills” are strong and good qualities in person. Owning these skills is vital, as they prove that you are able to be handy in the workplace. In addition to, one of the first things on what workplace pay attention is one’s CV, so because of it, it is important to have strong hard skills(as CV is based on them). On the other hand, it is obvious that hard skills are not only abilities that appreciates in the 21st century. More and more companies draw attention on one’s personality, soft skills, work and life experience. For instance, IT gigants (Google, Facebook, etc) started to require a motivational letter almost 60 years ago, however in the recent 15 years it began to be strongly valued. Nowadays people more and more value traits of character or so-called “Soft skills”. They even started to be valued more than hard skills. To conclude, I am strongly convinced that in order to achieve financial success in the 21st century, people need to have more than only hard working skills. Hard skills are essential as many other skiils in people’s personality.
The ways of achieving
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financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
are
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different
in
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people’s
minds. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
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people
are convinced
that
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only
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hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will lead to
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financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, other individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that one needs to have more in order to achieve it.
Personally
, I
strongly
believe that
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only
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and having strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
does not contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, whereas combining as much as possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
traits of character and being able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
leads to any form of success.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
stubbornnes
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called “
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills”
are strong and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
qualities in person. Owning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is vital, as they prove that you are able to be handy in the workplace.
In addition
to, one of the
first
things on what workplace pay attention is one’s CV,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of it, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
(as CV
is based
on them).

On the other hand
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
abilities that appreciates in the 21st century. More and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
draw attention on one’s personality, soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life experience.
For instance
, IT
Possible spelling mistake found.
gigants
(Google, Facebook, etc)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to require a motivational letter almost 60 years ago,
however
in the recent 15 years it began to be
strongly
valued. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more and more value traits of character or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called “Soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills”
. They even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
be valued
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To conclude
, I am
strongly
convinced that in order to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in the 21st century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to have more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are essential as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
skiils
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
personality.
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IELTS essay Some believe hard work will bring 100% financial success, others believe there has to be more to achieve it.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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