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Some artwork and antiquities are bought by extremely wealthy people for exorbitant prices. Once bought, they are never displayed publicly again - only kept at the pleasure of the owner. Should the general public have access to these pieces of art?

Some artwork and antiquities are bought by extremely wealthy people for exorbitant prices. Once bought, they are never displayed publicly again - only kept at the pleasure of the owner. Should the general public have access to these pieces of art? rbqRL
There’s a statement that some masterpieces and immemorial artifacts are bought by well-heeled with overpriced. After being sold, they are never demonstrated overtly and their owner just displays at private asset. So should these pieces of art be displayed to the community? I will discuss this statement and give my own opinion. On the one hand, These piece of art was bought officially, so they belong to the owner. They do not have a responsibility to display them to society. Moreover, If these rare artifacts are widely disseminated, there is a high possibility that they will become the target for the thieves because of their value. Make Mona Lisa as an example, After being displayed publicly on Lourve Museum, It was stolen surprisingly. On the contrary, These masterpieces should be demonstrated to society so everyone has an opportunity to admire wonderful artifacts. These artifacts may be represented for a country’s culture and history. They also bring a big influence on many fields. These rare artifacts not only instill a sense of pride for individuals, but they also attract tourists and professional artists to the city, both of which help to contribute to national tourism and the economy. Exhibiting these to the public also helps to create motivation for the young gifted artist to create better products. Finally, If these works of arts are accessed to the public, it will be a well-deserved accomplishment for their creators since they put so much exertion into making these perfect works of art, they merit to be recognized by society rather than being known by a number of individuals In conclusion, From my perspective, These works of art play a significant role in an individual’s spiritual life, so they should be put in view
There’s a statement that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
masterpieces and immemorial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artifacts
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by well-heeled with overpriced. After
being sold
, they are never demonstrated
overtly
and their owner
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
displays at private asset.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
should these pieces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
be displayed
to the community? I will discuss this statement and give my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, These piece of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
officially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they belong to the owner. They do not have a responsibility to display them to society.
Moreover
, If these rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artifacts
are
widely
disseminated, there is a high possibility that they will become the target for the thieves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their value.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
Mona Lisa as an example, After
being displayed
publicly
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lourve
Museum, It
was stolen
surprisingly
.

On the contrary
, These masterpieces should
be demonstrated
to society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone has an opportunity to admire wonderful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artifacts
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artifacts
may
be represented
for a country’s culture and history. They
also
bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields. These rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
artifacts
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
instill a sense of pride for individuals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
attract tourists and professional artists to the city, both of which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to contribute to national tourism and the economy. Exhibiting these to the public
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to create motivation for the young gifted artist to create better products.
Finally
, If these works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are accessed
to the public, it will be a well-deserved accomplishment for their creators since they put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much exertion into making these perfect works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
, they merit to
be recognized
by society
rather
than
being known
by a number of individuals

In conclusion
, From my perspective, These works of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
play a significant role in an individual’s spiritual life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they should
be put
in view
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IELTS essay Some artwork and antiquities are bought by extremely wealthy people for exorbitant prices. Once bought, they are never displayed publicly again - only kept at the pleasure of the owner. Should the general public have access to these pieces of art?

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
289 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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