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Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v.4

Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v. 4
GovernmentYoungsters nowadays are getting drifted towards government jobs. Whether it’s a duty with normal shift or holding a position in the ministry, they can be seen everywhere. While some people are of the opinion that young generation is not capable of holding higher positions in government jobs, others believe that it is a great idea as it has several benefits. Firstly, people of young generation have a very different mindset. As a result, change in the functionality of the system can be seen. Also, this will accelerate the functioning in every government department because of the capability of the youngsters to work faster. This can be seen in many departments such as road construction, a study shows that a significant change has been noticed after the appointment of young engineers at a higher level. So, we can say that giving government jobs of higher authority to youngsters have certain advantages. However, there are areas where experience plays a vital role. Many decisions that a person has to take depend on his prior experience in that field. A chief minister, for instance, has to decide about various things that will have an effect on the whole of the state. If he is inexperienced and takes certain wrong decisions, it can be detrimental for many civilians. Though there are people to guide but in the end he will be the sole person responsible. Therefore, we can say that experience gained with age is very helpful and plays a key role in any job. Although the experience is required to work efficiently, I believe that there are certain areas where youngsters will deliver a better performance. Hence, youngsters should be given chance and should be promoted.
Possible spelling mistake found.
GovernmentYoungsters
nowadays are getting drifted towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
jobs. Whether it’s a duty with normal shift or holding a position in the ministry, they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
everywhere. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that young generation is not capable of holding higher positions in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
jobs, others believe that it is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
as it has several benefits.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of young generation have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mindset.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the functionality of the system can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
Also
, this will accelerate the functioning in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
department
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the capability of the youngsters to work faster. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
departments such as road construction, a study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has
been noticed
after the appointment of young engineers at a higher level.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we can say that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
jobs of higher authority to youngsters have certain advantages.

However
, there are areas where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
plays a vital role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
decisions that a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
take depend on his prior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in that field. A chief minister,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
decide about various things that will have an effect
on the whole
of the state. If he
is inexperienced
and takes certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions, it can be detrimental for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
civilians. Though there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to guide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
he will be the sole person responsible.
Therefore
, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
gained with age is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
helpful and plays a key role in any job.

Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is required
to work
efficiently
, I believe that there are certain areas where youngsters will deliver a better performance.
Hence
, youngsters should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chance and should
be promoted
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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