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Some are of the opinion that children below the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to have a mobile phone. Others believe that mobile phones are a useful tool for children of all ages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some are of the opinion that children below the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to have a mobile phone. Others believe that mobile phones are a useful tool for children of all ages. GwYaw
Some people argue that children under the age of 12 years old should not have cell phones. Other people think that cellular telephones can be helpful at that age. This essay agrees with latter view and will elaborate that although these devices can be harmful because of the risk of the addiction, they are very useful because parents can get in touch with their children at any time. On the one hand, mobile phones can be very addictive because of their content. This is because all these devices are connected to the internet and have gaming features, which most of the kids find appealing. They can spend hours browsing the internet, communicating with their friends through social media platforms or playing games, and all of these activities are addictive to humans. One such example is application called the TikTok, which was initially designed for teenagers, became a major hit among young children because of its content. However, I believe smart phones can be beneficial in critical situations. On the other hand, with mobile phones by their side, children can get in touch with their parents at almost all times. That is to say, when a child has a cell phone they can easily get in touch with their parents in case of an emergency. As a result, they can notify their parents about potential tragedies they are about to face, such as natural disasters or even worse, tragedies caused by humans. In the last mass shooting in the United States, for instance, many young lives were saved because students in the primary school used their mobile phones to notify their parents and authorities about the tragedy that was ongoing in their school. For this reason, I think that mobile phones in the hands of children can be valuable source of communication in urgent situations. In conclusion, despite the fact that cellular phones can cause bad habits among children, this essay believes they can be advantageous because parents can communicate with their children in any situation. 8 replies
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Some
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people
argue that
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children
under the age of 12 years
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old
should not have cell
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phones
. Other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that cellular telephones can be helpful at that age. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with latter view and will elaborate that although these devices can be harmful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of the addiction, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at any time.

On the one hand, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
addictive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their content. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all these devices
are connected
to the internet and have gaming features, which most of the kids find appealing. They can spend hours browsing the internet, communicating with their friends through social media platforms or playing games, and all of these activities are addictive to humans. One such example is application called the TikTok, which was
initially
designed for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, became a major hit among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its content.
However
, I believe smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can be beneficial in critical situations.

On the other hand
, with mobile
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phones
by their side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at almost all times.
That is
to say, when a child has a cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
they can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in case of an emergency.
As a result
, they can notify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about potential tragedies they are about to face, such as natural disasters or even worse, tragedies caused by humans. In the last mass shooting in the United States,
for instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
were saved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
students in the primary school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to notify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and authorities about the tragedy that was ongoing in their school.
For this reason
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
in the hands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be valuable source of communication in urgent situations.

In conclusion
, despite the fact that cellular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
can cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, this essay believes they can be advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can communicate with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in any situation.

8 replies
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IELTS essay Some are of the opinion that children below the age of 12 shouldn’t be allowed to have a mobile phone. Others believe that mobile phones are a useful tool for children of all ages.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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