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Some advocates argue that it is good to share as much information as possible, others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v.1

Some advocates argue that it is good to share as much information as possible, others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 1
In the salad day of the millennium, the society is polarised into two groups almost equally. Regarding the notion that whether the government should put in money for improving faster forms of public transport or allocate cash into others important arrangements like environment, health etc. However, different people have their distinct mindset. The following paragraph's would shed light on both the approaches before making a final note. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to share in its favour. There are two main reasons why governments should provide their citizens with faster forms of public transport. Firstly, this could help various people, such as commuters, to reduce a waste of time of travelling to work from home and vice versa. As a result, they will have more ample leisure hours of their own lives and the productivity will be increased. Secondly, by adopting this method, there will be no situations that people are packed into the cramped and hot buses. They do not have to rush to go to work on time or get up so early to have a seat on a bus. Therefore, they can have more time to prepare themselves before going to work or study or enjoying their breakfast with their families. Shifting towards the second thought of school, I believe that spending money on other spheres is more important. One reason is that there is no undoubtedly that environmental pollution is now a pressing issue. More and more vehicles are produced annually and the exhaust emitted from those vehicles has had a detrimental effect on our atmosphere, especially in cities. As a result, there are more people going down with respiratory diseases and other kinds of cancer. Another reason is that the living cost in the countryside is increasing, much less in big cities. This makes a lot of people harder in meeting basic human needs and if governments have no policy to cope with this situation, there will be a decrease in economic growth. In conclusion, although improving the speed of public transports is advantageous to some extent, it seems to me that it is better for governments to spend their budget on urgent issues such as environment and living cost.
In the salad day of the millennium, the society is
polarised
into two groups almost
equally
. Regarding the notion that whether the
government
should put in money for improving faster forms of public transport or allocate cash into others
important
arrangements like environment, health etc.
However
,
different
people
have their distinct mindset. The following paragraph's would shed light on both the approaches
before
making a final note.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to share in its
favour
. There are two main reasons why
governments
should provide their citizens with faster forms of public transport.
Firstly
, this could
help
various
people
, such as commuters, to
reduce
a waste of time of travelling to work from home and vice versa.
As a result
, they will have more ample leisure hours of their
own
lives
and the productivity will
be increased
.
Secondly
, by adopting this method, there will be no situations that
people
are packed
into the cramped and hot buses. They do not
have to
rush to go to work on time or
get
up
so
early to have a seat on a bus.
Therefore
, they can have more time to prepare themselves
before
going to work or study or enjoying their breakfast with their families.

Shifting towards the second
thought
of school, I believe that spending money on other spheres is more
important
. One reason is that there is no
undoubtedly
that environmental pollution is
now
a pressing issue. More and more vehicles
are produced
annually
and the exhaust emitted from those vehicles has had a detrimental effect on our atmosphere,
especially
in cities.
As a result
, there are more
people
going down with respiratory diseases and other kinds of cancer. Another reason is that the living cost in the countryside is increasing, much less in
big
cities. This
makes
a lot of
people
harder in meeting basic human needs and if
governments
have no policy to cope with this situation, there will be a decrease in economic growth.

In conclusion
, although improving the speed of public transports is advantageous to
some
extent, it seems to me that it is better for
governments
to spend their budget on urgent issues such as environment and living cost.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some advocates argue that it is good to share as much information as possible, others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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