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Solving situation: You has won a lot of money in a lottery. How do you spend your money

Solving situation: You has won a lot of money in a lottery. How do you spend your money YgakN
Among the three options, in terms of buying a house, buying gold and saving money in a bank, I would choose saving money in the bank if I win a lot of money in a lottery for some following reasons Firstly, saving money can help me save for the rainy days. As you know, we do not know how our life will change in the future or what difficulties we will face. Therefore, we need to prepare the solid financial foundation for our future. Secondly, it is a safe way to keep my money. Nowadays, there has been much more crimes in our society. I consider I can be their target when I suddenly become richer. Hence, going to a bank and opening a saving account is good for not only my money, but also myself. In addition, I would not choose buying house because I already had a house and I am not necesssary to buy a new one. Moreover, I do not think about buying gold due to the fact that the price of gold often goes up and down. Hence, if I buy with high price and sell with lower price, I will loose a lot of money. Furthermore, I ought to take an iron box to keep gold. As a result, I may waste a plenty of money. All in all, because of some causes above, I believe that saving money in the bank is the best choice.
Among the three options, in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
gold and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
, I would choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
if I win
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in a lottery for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
following reasons

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me save for the rainy days. As you know, we do not know how our life will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the future or what difficulties we will face.
Therefore
, we need to prepare the solid financial foundation for our future.

Secondly
, it is a safe way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Nowadays, there has been much more crimes in our society. I consider I can be their target when I
suddenly
become richer.
Hence
, going to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
and opening a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
account is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
myself.

In addition
, I would not choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to buy".
buying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I already had a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
house and
I am not
Possible spelling mistake found.
necesssary
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a new one.
Moreover
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buying
gold due to the fact that the price of gold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
goes up and down.
Hence
, if I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
with high price and sell with lower price, I will
Did you mean "lose" (= miss, waste, suffer the loss etc.)?
loose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Furthermore
, I ought to take an iron box to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
gold.
As a result
, I may waste a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money.

All in all,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes above, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
is the best choice.
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IELTS essay Solving situation: You has won a lot of money in a lottery. How do you spend your money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
242 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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