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Public carnivals are essential in each nation because, it has source of knowledge to related past events. But, some natives think that it is full wastage of time or money. Yet I am disagree with this notion and, I will discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs.

Public carnivals are essential in each nation because, it has source of knowledge to related past events. But, some natives think that it is full wastage of time or money. Yet I am disagree with this notion and, I will discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs. A36aL
To begin with, there are ample reasons why individuals should celebrate these occasions there are prominent ones: cultural values, family bonding, employment opportunities. Firstly, if offspring will celebrate these events then they can increase knowledge about the tradition. However, when children participate in public events then they can learn regarding distinctive activities which are held by the administration. Moreover, these festivals not only enhance the knowledge it also depicts the hidden talent of students in front of the public. secondly, due to the hectic schedule anyone can afford spare time for their family members so these occasions allow spending time with their family. As a result, this event can strong relation with each and everything. Furthermore, these ceremony has a huge opportunity for unemployed masses because, at that time the state confer jobs to which family whomever, worked as a government worker but now they expired such as, martyrs families. also the chairman of city give prize to who players which have played at the national level. Therefore, these events are crucial for every nation because it sed light on at previous time period. To conclude, although the authority should give attention on other development but, celebrating festival occasions also play part and parcel role in each nation.
To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are ample reasons why individuals should celebrate these occasions there are prominent ones: cultural values,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding, employment opportunities.
Firstly
, if offspring will celebrate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
then they can increase knowledge about the tradition.
However
, when children participate in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
then they can learn regarding distinctive activities which
are held
by the administration.
Moreover
, these festivals not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance the knowledge it
also
depicts the hidden talent of students in front of the public.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
secondly
, due to the hectic schedule anyone can afford spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these occasions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
As a result
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
can strong relation with each and everything.
Furthermore
,
Did you mean "this ceremony" or "these ceremonies"?
these ceremony
has a huge opportunity for unemployed masses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
the state confer jobs to which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
whomever, worked as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
worker
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they expired such as, martyrs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
also
the chairman of city give prize to who players which have played at the national level.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
are crucial for every nation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
Possible spelling mistake found.
sed
light on at previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
period.
To conclude
, although the authority should give attention on other development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, celebrating festival occasions
also
play part and parcel role in each nation.

IELTS essay Public carnivals are essential in each nation because, it has source of knowledge to related past events. But, some natives think that it is full wastage of time or money. Yet I am disagree with this notion and, I will discuss it in the upcoming paragraphs.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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